FTW? No, WTF

I am calling a Mulligan on:

Yesterday

This week

Today

Tomorrow

Most of next week

Yesterday was the most insane-a-balls day I have had in a long time.  I am going to just throw it all out there.  One short paragraph.

Go to work for three hour webex training.  My pod/desk has been moved all my shit is strown about and unhooked. WTF.  Hook everything back up.  School calls.  My youngest has a hermit crab bite and needs to go home.  WTF.  I reschedule Webex, I drive the HOUR to go to his school and he has an infected toe.  Which I found out later he did himself, no hermit crab assistance.  I take him to the doc just in case.  Then my oldest’s son school calls.  He needs to be picked up.  WTF.  Come to find out my youngest’s cold is worse than they thought breathing treatment, heavy antibiotic.  Go to get my other son, drop them off, go to fill Rx.  Get home, haven’t eaten all day.  My cat claws my upper thigh because she hasn’t eaten in 30 min.  TV bulb blows out.  Then I finally log back in and work for two hours.

WTF.

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Yep, that was me right around the cat-apuncture incident.

That was one long ass paragraph for me.  I hope I didn’t bore anyone.

Fuck yesterday.

Oh and fuck today, I now have a sore throat.  One week before my last day.  Two sick kids, and now I am getting it.

Sorry for all the Fucks, I would say I don’t give one, but I think I just passed out around ten.

I just re-read all this and I sound like a pissed off, drunk, angry sailor.  I normally strive to be more lady-like, worldly, and sophisticated, but fuck it.

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As always,

Woman on Pause

Last photo credit:  http://global3.memecdn.com/wtf-ftw-meaning_o_297288.jpg

I Have Work Herpes

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately.  Reaching out my bloggy tentacles to try and expand my mind and get to know my fellow bloggers.  (Better Off Dead, “He put his testicles all over me.  TESTICLES?  You know, octopus… OH you mean tentacles.”)

Roy--Lane--and--Monique-better-off-dead-644500_633_465

MEYERRRRRRRR

Did you see what happened there?   Off the rails in the first paragraph.  I do believe I have WADHD.  Writing Attention Deficit Disorder.  Pronounced, Wahhhhduh.

Anywho, I have so many things in my head.  I want to blog about all of the things.  When I try and focus on one thing it seems dull and unappealing. Like David Hasselhoff’s little toe.  I mean who cares about that?!?!

But the ideas keep coming and flowing in a breakneck speed.  Dare I say, manic speed.

Here’s a little glimpse.  I am just going to type it out as it comes.  I can feel my 12 readers going to 2 as we speak…

PS.  Going to put random pictures in this list.  Seems like it will make it more interesting. They are not cohesive.  Don’t try and figure out what it all means.

  • How am I going to spend three months every day with my kids, when the most time I have spent with them in a row is a week?
  • Am I going to be able to handle Domesticity?  How is that a word?  No red squiggly it must be a word.  I am a genius.
  • Buzzfeed, how do you lure me in with your cutesy posts.  CONSTANTLY.
  • Food Network and the Cooking Channel, why do I watch you?  You make me hungry and sad and I can’t make the fabulousness.  Cheddar crust.  REALLY???? Red Chili Honey??  Give me a fucking break.

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I actually, purposefully searched Penguins in Sweaters. I may be insane.

  • NPR Short Fiction contest – how is there already a deadline.  This is too much pressure.  But I can’t not submit because that is lame bullshit.  IT IS ONLY 600 words.  I have already typed like 700.  Ok, I just looked down and it is 265 but it feels like a ton.
  • I hate my current wordpress theme.  Loved it, now hate it.  Looks like a 1988 portfolio that a sad unemployed business man carried around.
  • Will my 17 readers recognize me if I change it?!?! <—–Recognizes this is insanity.
  • Short timer’s disease – It is a disease and I have caught it at work.  I can’t wait to get the fuck out.  So much so, I spend as little time at my desk as possible.  I have work herpes.
  • Why do cleaning product commercials only show women cleaning?
carb

I love your bracelet…

  • How will those three women kept captive in Cleveland ever feel normal again?
  • How is there that much evil in the world, in ONE person?
  • How do I protect my kids from that kind of evil?  That goes beyond stranger danger.
  • Am I going to weigh 341 lbs from not working and eating, cooking, baking, constantly?
  • Pinterest – The abyss of awesomeness
  • Pinterest – Making women feel sub-par since late 2011.
  • Holy shit I quit my job.  While already covered I am still freaking out.
bebe

Baby + Beer + Meme = damned funny.

  • Year End Teachers gifts, is this necessary?  If it isn’t, why do I feel like shit when I don’t give or forget to give.
  • Year End Teacher’s gifts, I forgot last year, is this why my kids got cruddy-ish teachers this year?
  • Why am I not writing right now?
  • Why aren’t I doing laundry right now?
  • Why am I not making lunches right now?
  • Why am I not making an actual decent readable blog right now?

Ok, I think you get it.  That was like four minutes of my mind.

I like to call it Blomit – Blog Vomit

It isn’t pretty and I am pretty sure it is nonsense, but it is me.

I swear I will have a cohesive post next.  Promisimo.  Like pinky swear.

Ughhhh.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Former ricin suspect happy with vindication as probe continues

I am sorry, can I just bring attention to the top sentence of this article.
“(CNN) – Did someone try to frame Elvis impersonator Paul Kevin Curtis by sending ricin-tainted letters to President Barack Obama and other officials?” You can’t make this shit up people.

You just can’t.

Sharing is caring,

Woman on Pause

CNN Political Ticker

(CNN) — FBI agents on Wednesday searched the former martial arts studio of a Tupelo man in connection with the investigation into ricin-tainted letters sent to President Barack Obama and other officials, the man’s lawyer, Lori Basham, told CNN.

Agents in hazardous materials suits had searched James Everett Dutschke’s home on Tuesday, the same day prosecutors dropped charges against the man arrested last week on suspicion of sending the letters.

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