Piscēs I

Part One

It was time.  Noah had begged and pleaded for a dog.  I knew he wasn’t old enough to take care of one.  And I just wasn’t up to the task.  Trying to work, go to college in the evening and taking care of a 5 year old on my own was enough.  Mama’s plate was completely full.

So I compromised.  We were in the pet shop and I was thinking I could get him a lizard, or a gecko or something easy.  And quiet.

We had to struggle through the, “But mama, there are kitties.” and take a left after, “Maaaaaama look, that rat is really cute though and he looks lonely.” Those big brown sad eyes looking up to me begging for me to understand how deep his affection was for every living creature. I sped the walk up to the lizard area. Repeating more times than I would like, “I know baby.  I do, but let’s start small. Even small guys need love too!”

Then he saw them.

The guppies.  There were what seemed like thousands of guppies in 5 aquariums. It was insane to see so many fish in one container. And I couldn’t figure out the reason they were all swimming about so frantically. Quick zig here, another zag there, then back super quickly.  As if every one was in a hurry, but they had no idea what for.  Maybe it was the way the light hit their tails and they sparkled, I don’t know but he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Mama.”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“What are those?”

To be honest I couldn’t have told you what they were until I read the label and the very forgiving price tag that was written underneath.

“They are Guppies!”  I emphasized the GUP-PIES!!!! because it sounded like puppies.  I’m not proud.

We already had a 10 gallon tank that Eric said he was going to try and start a real salt water aquarium one day. Well, we’ve been divorced 3 years and it is still in my garage, so Score!

I asked an employee to come tell me a bit about the guppies.  Let me know if they were easy to care for. She proceeded to give me the run down. They were essentially beginner fish.  We were beginner pet owners and this sounded right up our alley.  We purchased 8 guppies and an array of aquarium accouterments. In total, we walked out having spent less than $75.00.  It was over my budget but watching my Noah Bug pick out each fish exclaiming, “That one, ooooh no wait, that one. No, he moved.  The Silver one.  That one!”  His finger darting trying to track the exact fish he wanted.  The glee he was exhibiting was worth doubling my pet budget.

We arrived at home thirty minutes after we left the pet store.  I attempted to run into the grocery store to grab bread but my child screamed, “If we leave them in the car they will DIE!!!!!!!” Ok buddy.  But it’s canned soup for dinner, no grilled cheese. He didn’t even seem to hear me.  Once inside I rushed to finish cleaning out the aquarium for a second time, I had already thoroughly cleaned it a week ago, but a quick check for dust, etc wouldn’t take long.  And the water needed to be the right temperature so I got to work immediately.  And also at the urging of one very excited little boy.  “Maaaaaaaam they’re going to die if they stay in these bags. Hurrrry.”

After one solid hour and testing the water twice, we introduced each one in.  One at a time giving them a moment, making sure they were ok with the water temperature. And then it began.

He sat in front of that tank for 3 hours.  I fed him his chicken and stars as he sat crossed legged in front of the glass amazed and still throwing out names for each one. Chuck! That one is Buzz! That red one is Bolt!  The pink one is Dora!  I did notice he traced his finger lightly across the glass, maybe seeing if they would follow.  I know he wanted a dog, but I would hate to have to tell him that fish don’t, “come” when called. Then he used what sliver of a fingernail he had and tapped on the glass in frustration when they weren’t paying attention

Tap, BANG, Tap, BANG, Tap, Tap

“Noah, stop that immediately!” I raised my voice and approached him.  I asked him, why would you do that to your fish?” We were warned by the person at the pet shop never to tap the glass.  She said they have to say it every time.  Beginner fish advice 101 especially for the little ones.  He said, They weren’t watching me so I tapped so they could see me.  I sighed.  I got down to his level.  I told him, “I understand what you mean.  But, remember when we went to the July 4th parade last year and the fire engines went off right by you and you covered your ears? You were very upset by the loud noise and wanted to go home.”

He said, “But that is different, it was just a tap. I explained it was just as loud for the fish with his tap as it was the fire engine was for him. He looked remorseful that he had done it and I reassured him that it was ok.  They are fine.  Just don’t do that to them again.

After that it was finally time for Noah to head to bed.  It had been a long day and I still had two papers due by Sunday night.

I could see he was on his stool brushing his teeth like a big boy as I approached the bathroom from the hall.  Half way down the hall it happened.

It started as a rumble as if a train was going by somewhere in the distance.  Then it picked up forcefulness. It was an earthquake. I ran as fast as I could to Noah, snatched him up like a football covering his head and headed into my closet.

Part II will come within a week or so.
If you are wondering why the hell I’m waxing poetic about guppies this is just the first part to a short story I am writing.  It is a science fiction type piece.  Don’t let the beginning fool you.

Thanks for reading.       🙂

As Always,

Woman on Pause

© 2018 Woman on Pause All Rights Reserved

Baby’s in Reno with the Vitamin D

The title of this post is from Beck’s “Loser.”  A song I can sing by heart with no music prompt.  But it also has absolutely nothing to do with this post.

It does oddly represent the scatterbrainedness of which I find myself chest deep in.  <—That may be the worst sentence I have ever written.  But who am I to mess with these things?

Confused yet?

Yeah me too.  I have been so neglectful of my wonderful little corner of the internet (this blog).  And it has been on my mind quite a bit.  So now that we are done with Thanksgiving and my house is back to a normal roar instead of the roar that comes from 4 more kids and 2 more adults, I am getting back into the swing of things.

So much so, that I downloaded a text book for a fictional writing course.  And I am already through the first chapter and (hold on to your seats folks) am half way through the first exercise.

Now, I know what you might be thinking.  Why didn’t she finish the exercise?  Well, that is because I don’t ever seem to finish anything.  It is super hard for me to finish my fiction pieces.  And I have no idea why.  So then I tend to procrastinate out of fear I won’t finish.  Which essentially  is also not finishing.  Do you all see the dilemma here?

proc

The photo above is so full of truth….

But, the good news is, I am not getting up from this desk until I finish it.  So, if someone finds my body half eaten by cats, weeks from now, know that I had the resolve to finish just not the words.

Hope all of you are doing well and had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credit:  http://florianjensen.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/procrastination.jpg.

Brain Soup

This is my brain right now.
 photo brain.gif

While this may seem a bit extreme it is kind of true.  (And truth be told I have loved this gif since the beginning of time and use it as often as possible.)

I am trying to negotiate with said brain on how to get back on track.  I spent the last two months doing nothing and it made me feel icky.

I am the kind of person who can’t sit still for more than fifteen minutes.  Two months kinda messed with my brain a bit.

So I did all the things.  And as my last post stated, it is still too soon to do all the things.  I have to find a happy medium.

So I am going back to writing.  I can’t sit for long periods of time either (hip not ADHD) but I have to start to do SOMETHING.

I was texting with a friend about trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and upcoming classes I will be taking and I mentioned I didn’t feel passionate about much of anything right now.

And she said, “You do about writing.  And you are good at it.”

I don’t know about the end part, but it reignited a flame that I had blown out about a month before surgery.

So I am committing.  And making that choice has made me now feel like this.

Mighty_mouse_small

 

And that is a good thing.

More to come…

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

Photo Credit:  http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g373/paxpinnae/COMEDY-2.gif.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_k9mUv3KvFh0/SDOxoRPDSnI/AAAAAAAAAl8/n_gWqldPyRY/s320/Mighty_mouse_small.jpg.

 

 

Friday Fictioneers – Therapy

Happy Thursday to all!  This is my submission this week to Friday Fictioneers.  Rochelle has presented the following:

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Photo Credit:  Janet Webb

The purpose of Friday Fictioneers – Write 100 words based on the above photo.

Side Note: Thanks to everyone who commented on my story last week and I look forward to reading everyone’s this week!

Therapy

The painting was judging her.  It was staring and summing her up. The painted face deciding that she had become pathetic at best.  The piece was from one of many trips with her mother to the island.  Trips filled with constant attempts by her mother to set her up with any man who looked like he had a 401K.  She didn’t need a man.  She needed therapy.  After the will was read, she decided tonight her therapy was Sangria. And the only thing her mother bequeathed. Left to her, that God forsaking painting, and the phone number of the “single” lawyer who read the will.

105 Words

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Thanks.

Woke up this morning feeling like this…

 photo Hill.gif

Why you ask?  Because this was in my notifications.

 

500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I can’t believe I hit this milestone.  For several reasons.

One, I didn’t even know I was close to this number.  Not something I notice or track.  Secondly, it came on a day that I wrote for Friday Fictioneers and received such wonderful feedback on the story I wrote.  It helps stoke the writing fire.  I do not want fame or fortune from this blog or from my writing.  I just want to write.  I want my family and friends to enjoy it.  But I want to be better at it. I want to feel more confident in what I am creating.  This helped so much.

Thank you to those who have chartered this journey with me.  Those who are reading my, sometimes insane word vomit, and then checking in when I finally write something.

I have met so many wonderful people through this blog and I am grateful beyond words.

 

As Always,

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

GIF Credit:  http://s1222.photobucket.com/user/5thmisguided/media/jonah-hill-excited_zpsd542a66e.gif.html.

Friday Fiction – Lamp Light

I found Rochelle’s Blog and the concept of Friday Fiction and I just couldn’t  help myself.  Below is my addition.

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Photo by:
Dawn Miller

Lamp Light

The belts didn’t match the hats on the mannequins that looked down on her.  She also noticed the jewelry didn’t shine.  Tarnished and chipped the baubles looked cheaper than they were. The rows of discount lamps some with shades, some going naked without them.  The glow from the their bulbs only revealed how bleak this place had become. She turned off each lamp to hide the sadness this place represented to her. As she walked out the only thing she left behind was, “I Quit” written in the dust on the jewelry case.

93 Words

As Always,

Woman on Pause

P.S.   The goal for Friday Fictioneers is to write a complete story with no more than 100 words based off of a photograph.  And it was HARD, but a lot of fun.

Creeping…

Doubts. 

I have creeping doubts about my writing.  (NO, this is in no way a ploy to get compliments.  Not linking, etc.  Just getting the doubt demons out of my head.)  I have doubts because first off, that is how I am built.  I may just be having an off day.  I get like this when I am determined to finish.  My doubts step right in my way, hold up a stop sign and wave a finger in a very slow “No” gesture. 

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So to battle this…

I have decided to attempt NaNoWriMo to try something different.  A lot of people think it is a junky way to write, but I find it an interesting challenge.  And I am hoping it will give me a good nudge to just write, write, write.  Not go back, not edit, not second guess, not beat my story to death before I even finish.  (Day one 800 words.  Not to goal, but a start)

I have had this opportunity to leave my job and pursue my dreams, goals, etc.  I feel like I haven’t lived up to that opportunity.  I am also trying Realllllllly hard to break through the barrier of doubt and keep trucking. 

Do I think I will write professionally? 

No.

But I enjoy it, and if I can get stuff out there and maybe get good at it, in a few years who knows.

Professionally I am a bit lost, but I am also at a standstill.  I can’t go back to school until after my surgery in January.  So technically this is “free time” until then.  I feel like if I waste this time I will always regret it.  I will not always be a stay at home mom, more than likely before 2014 is over I will again be gainfully employed.  This was a chance for me to hang with my kids, decompress after 17 years of desk/admin/finance/acctg. work. 

And frankly, just typing what I did, helped tremendously.  Hence why I have this blog.  No one may even read it, but this is the first step to flipping off those annoying doubts that seem to always step into my path.

Thanks for the ear er, the eyes, you know what I mean,

 

Woman on pause

Picture Credits
healingbythefoot.com

 

CHOSEN

Whoa guys.  My story got picked for this kick ass site, iHorror.com

I can’t breathe, feel like I may cry, all the things, all the feels, all at the same time.

You never know if what you do is good, or even ok.  Then someone says they like it, and shares it with people. 

Dammit with the crying.  It is Horror for the love of Oprah.

Check it out!

http://ihorror.com/restitution-a-horror-short-story/

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sorry for all the feels and squees. 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

Black and White

I used to dream in black and white.

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I read that this is normal.

All of my dreams, at least the one’s I recall, are all dark and frankly scary.  I have been woken up from bad dreams my entire life.

I rarely dream about my children, and when I do they are lost, and I am desperate to find them.

I never dream of my husband, not in person.  I know he exists, but I never see him.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch, I had a sick little one and wanted to hear if there was any distress in the night.

I couldn’t sleep.  Pain from my hip had me flipping channels until I just couldn’t stay awake any longer.

I woke and looked to my left to see a woman on the end of my couch with her head in her hands.  All I could see was her hair, and that she was curled up in a ball. Rocking ever so slightly back and forth.

head in hands

I looked up at her, and immediately I felt the air change.  It was similar to being close to a lightning bolt, where you can smell the ozone, and the air feels thick.

She whimpered, “My head, it hurts so badly.” And she made fists in her hair.

I told her, “Oh God, I can feel it in the air.”

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I felt it coming.

It was coming fast.

I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I knew this wasn’t the first time this had happened.  My immediate response wasn’t fear but anger.

This was a 2nd, 3rd, or 8th visit.

I had just forgotten the other one’s until that moment.

When the thick air surrounded me, I grabbed my head and put it in my hands, began to rock slowly.

I slowly mumbled, “Fuck you, Fuck YOU, FUCK YOU,” waiting on it to pass, to leave me. The mumble became a scream, and the fear was debilitating.  But the anger was right at the very end of the fear.

Then I woke up.

In the exact same spot, head in hands.  Where just moments ago in my dream I was being accosted by something or someone.

This dream was in color.

The next morning my son woke up, I took his temperature and he looked at me stone faced and said, “I had the weirdest dream.”  I couldn’t speak.  I didn’t want to know he dreamed what I dreamed.

I was just as scared at that moment as I was when I woke up from that dream.

*This Actually friggin happened 2 nights ago.  Still scares the ever loving SHIT out of me.  Even to think about it.

I knew immediately I had to write about it.  Because being scared and scaring others is what gets my blood pumping.

Taking a new turn,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:

http://www.vsaggiomo.com/w/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/tem16.png

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/–gstBVkEr64/TjBwD59VYLI/AAAAAAAAAQk/4ZDAcmeacFM/s400/brunette+crying%252C+head+in+hands_2.jpg