Still here.

I swear.  Five days out of surgery.  Seems they had to fracture my bone to promote cartilage growth and inject cadaver cartilage into my left hip.  I am looking at 8 weeks on crutches.  Can’t put any weight on my left leg.  At all.

For 8 weeks.

My armpits hurt.  I’m just sayin.

Still on a decent regimen of pain killers, muscle relaxers, etc etc. 

So not able to wax sarcastic here quite yet.

But I am getting there.

Hope all of you are fine as wine and dandy as candy.

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

MRI – Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy

Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy.  That was the best I could come up with.  I am hoping as I start this that it won’t run too long.  But it is hard to summarize this many fails in a short post.

Reason for MRI.  My doctor didn’t like a mass of skin on the front of my hip, near my incision scars and wanted me to do a MRI with contrast to find out what the hell it is.  (I assume scar tissue or fluid, but clearly he is hoping for the gold star on the board for Dr with most MRI’s in January.)

I go in and spend a small fortune on this as it is the beginning of the year and no deductibles had been met that day.  Fine.  Whatever.

They told me to be in Radiology at 9am for the contrast to be injected (with a bastard needle) into my hip joint then they would take me for my MRI at 10:15am. Kewl.  I have had this same type of MRI no less than 5 times already.  Piece of cake.

I am on time and in the waiting area.

Then two hours go by.

Me – Um hai.  This seems an odd amount of time to wait.

Them – We apologize for your delay.  To compensate, let’s bring you into this small room so you can get naked and wear our 2013 Oscar De Larenta “Showing all your Business” gowns.

Fine. So I change and I wait.

Another hour.

In a broom closet.

At this point I am still naively optimistic.  But bored, so I am taking pictures of all of the things.

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They finally bring me in the room outside of the broom closet.  And I wait.  With all of my stuff in a bag.

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A nurse wheels in sitting on a chair and informs me that MRI is backed up and it will be another 30 minutes.  She apologizes and says, “They had a difficult patient.”  I said, “I am about to become a difficult patient.”

Hunger and agitation have set in.

I have been here since 8:30am it is noon and I am starving and getting annoyed.  But still trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I dig in my purse and find a dum dum lolipop.  Glory be. Maybe I will make it through.  And I found some gum.  Mom Perk #5,499 candy at the bottom of your purse.

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Finally it is time!!  They lay me on this–

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–So they can inject the contrast into my hip joint they have to do it under X-Ray.  I lay down and they inject my hip with lidocaine as not to have me screaming in pain while she tries to cross stitch her initials into my hip joint.

It doesn’t go well.  The PA is telling me that the joint is so tight the needle keeps popping out.  So she has to keep putting it back in, and now I am in some fairly serious pain.  I would rate it a 6 then slowly progressed to a 7 and it is taking a lot longer than the other ones ever did.  She is apologizing, I am quietly crying, this isn’t going well.

She finally says it is done.  And apologizes again.

They assist me onto a wheelchair because I can’t put weight on the joint because it will mess up the contrast.

Then they take my blood pressure.

175/125

Oh shit.

She pleasantly informs me that if it doesn’t go down not only are they NOT going to do the MRI, but she will strongly suggest I get wheeled over to ER.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaack.

So naturally my BP being so high I am now faced with all of this being in vain, I feel my BP rise more.  I breathe, I think happy thoughts about food (as I am still starving) sunny days and unicorns.  Anything to try and bring it down.

They try again 154/102.

YAY me and the power of mind control.

Next is where it really went wrong.

Tomorrow.  Part II. Promise.

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:  WomanonPauseFineFotosAndWines.com

Go Funk Yourself

SAH Log Day 28
(Stay at Home)

I have been in a funk.  For a few reasons.  None more prevalent than the fact I am in pain.  If you are new to this revelation, let me give you a summary.

  • Car Wreck 2007 – Wrecked my Hip
  • Exploratory surgery 2009, removed mass, put in anchor, 2 tears in this area.

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  • Another surgery 2011 when the first one didn’t make a damned bit of difference.
  • Current – 8 cm of my squish shock bearing labrum is gone.  Bone on bone.
  • Have to get another surgery to inject cartilage.  When ever I have a chance to get a home nurse because no one else can help with eight weeks no weight bearing. – yeah because that shit is going to happen, at the end of NEVER.
  • If the above doesn’t work, hip replacement.

I take nothing but motrin for this.  Nothing else.  I was on pain medication prior to my last surgery.  Decided I couldn’t keep taking it, because what is the point.  So been 2 years since any pain medication intervention.   So I hurt a lot.  And I limp.

Funk Reason #2 I have had a bit of a hard time assimilating to this new role I have.

While I should be just all giddy and thrilled I am not working and spending time with the boys, I wasn’t aware that I was going to become a Kid Bitch.

It isn’t pretty, but it is true.  But not their fault.  Mine.

I had these awesome, pinterest pinned ideas about how we would spend this summer.  As an unknown, I just assumed.

You know what happens when you assume.

I have been a kid runner.  I had so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to accomplish, and I feel I have done none of these, nor lived up to my vision or what I assume others vision of what I would be doing.

Football, Baseball, Basketball camp, sleepovers, Nana’s, beach, pool, kids wanting to visit friends, mandatory family outings, grocery store, laundry, Three meals a day, house cleaning, running, running, running.

Something, lots of things.  Every.damned.day. I know none of this sounds bad, but this is ALL I HAVE DONE.

I finally took an hour to get a pedicure last Thursday.  In the first 10 minutes I get a call.

“I need my bat bag.  It is in your car.”

The rest doesn’t matter.  I couldn’t even get 10 minutes. Not 10 minutes in 20 solid days.

Needless to say, it all started to get to me.

Then I spoke to my hubs.  Who is not perfect, but by far my saving grace and biggest cheer leader.  The one.

He reminded me *I* am important too.
I owe no one.
I can’t do it all.
I am a good mom.
I am a good wife.
I am CEO of this house and I need to run it to benefit me too.
He is only worried about my happiness.

And I felt better.

All of my other woes will be sorted out one way or the other.  But I finally had a paradigm shift.

I Can’t Do It All.

And that is ok.

Sometimes life just isn’t perfect.  But what is?

As always,

Woman on Pause.

PS.  Sorry for the rant, but this was one of the exact reasons I started to blog again.  A diary of sorts.  A timeline of recovery and discovery.

Photo Credit. http://www.mayoclinic.com/images/image_popup/ans7_labrum.jpg

Just another day.

Now that I have typed the title, I can’t get the John Secada song out of my head. For two days it was a Whitney Houston song. I just wanna dance with somebody. She played a large part in my morose mood this weekend.

No, I am not one of those people who gets sad over celebrity death. I’m just not. I don’t know them, they don’t know me. Is it sad someone died? Of course. But I am not one to get weepy over a strangers death. Especially when it was more than likely the most extreme side effect of drugs. I know it is a disease, I am not saying she deserved it. No one deserves death. But my father is supposedly on his death bed for his many moons over a needle or a powder of some sort so I tend to get a bit touchy about it. And when I heard my first reaction was anger.

I would be lying if I didn’t announce Saturday night to my husband that I heard she passed, then said, “What a waste.” and then, “She was a mother.” Smh as my younger counterparts like to type.

But it was clearly her time and she went. We all will. Some for worse reasons, some not.

I have had an extremely hard time dealing with my hip and frankly it has made me feel more than Blue the last few days. But, I looked around today and prayed with my boys a bit harder than usual, thanking God for my many blessings. Because I know I am blessed with a wonderful husband and the best kids in the world.

Do I need a vacation?

Yessir I do. But all in good time my faithful follower, all in good time.

Until then, it is Just another day. And even though I am hurting, I have the soft cushiony love of my peeps to break my fall. And that makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

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See what I did there? The pea is my gnarly hip.

Yeah I did the knowing exaggerated wink when I updated the picture. To my iPad. I am a dork like that.

Until we meet again,

Woman on pause.

picture credit click-o-Rama