I Have Work Herpes

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately.  Reaching out my bloggy tentacles to try and expand my mind and get to know my fellow bloggers.  (Better Off Dead, “He put his testicles all over me.  TESTICLES?  You know, octopus… OH you mean tentacles.”)

Roy--Lane--and--Monique-better-off-dead-644500_633_465

MEYERRRRRRRR

Did you see what happened there?   Off the rails in the first paragraph.  I do believe I have WADHD.  Writing Attention Deficit Disorder.  Pronounced, Wahhhhduh.

Anywho, I have so many things in my head.  I want to blog about all of the things.  When I try and focus on one thing it seems dull and unappealing. Like David Hasselhoff’s little toe.  I mean who cares about that?!?!

But the ideas keep coming and flowing in a breakneck speed.  Dare I say, manic speed.

Here’s a little glimpse.  I am just going to type it out as it comes.  I can feel my 12 readers going to 2 as we speak…

PS.  Going to put random pictures in this list.  Seems like it will make it more interesting. They are not cohesive.  Don’t try and figure out what it all means.

  • How am I going to spend three months every day with my kids, when the most time I have spent with them in a row is a week?
  • Am I going to be able to handle Domesticity?  How is that a word?  No red squiggly it must be a word.  I am a genius.
  • Buzzfeed, how do you lure me in with your cutesy posts.  CONSTANTLY.
  • Food Network and the Cooking Channel, why do I watch you?  You make me hungry and sad and I can’t make the fabulousness.  Cheddar crust.  REALLY???? Red Chili Honey??  Give me a fucking break.

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I actually, purposefully searched Penguins in Sweaters. I may be insane.

  • NPR Short Fiction contest – how is there already a deadline.  This is too much pressure.  But I can’t not submit because that is lame bullshit.  IT IS ONLY 600 words.  I have already typed like 700.  Ok, I just looked down and it is 265 but it feels like a ton.
  • I hate my current wordpress theme.  Loved it, now hate it.  Looks like a 1988 portfolio that a sad unemployed business man carried around.
  • Will my 17 readers recognize me if I change it?!?! <—–Recognizes this is insanity.
  • Short timer’s disease – It is a disease and I have caught it at work.  I can’t wait to get the fuck out.  So much so, I spend as little time at my desk as possible.  I have work herpes.
  • Why do cleaning product commercials only show women cleaning?
carb

I love your bracelet…

  • How will those three women kept captive in Cleveland ever feel normal again?
  • How is there that much evil in the world, in ONE person?
  • How do I protect my kids from that kind of evil?  That goes beyond stranger danger.
  • Am I going to weigh 341 lbs from not working and eating, cooking, baking, constantly?
  • Pinterest – The abyss of awesomeness
  • Pinterest – Making women feel sub-par since late 2011.
  • Holy shit I quit my job.  While already covered I am still freaking out.
bebe

Baby + Beer + Meme = damned funny.

  • Year End Teachers gifts, is this necessary?  If it isn’t, why do I feel like shit when I don’t give or forget to give.
  • Year End Teacher’s gifts, I forgot last year, is this why my kids got cruddy-ish teachers this year?
  • Why am I not writing right now?
  • Why aren’t I doing laundry right now?
  • Why am I not making lunches right now?
  • Why am I not making an actual decent readable blog right now?

Ok, I think you get it.  That was like four minutes of my mind.

I like to call it Blomit – Blog Vomit

It isn’t pretty and I am pretty sure it is nonsense, but it is me.

I swear I will have a cohesive post next.  Promisimo.  Like pinky swear.

Ughhhh.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

HI! My name is ______.

Hi.  My name is Sarah and I enjoy writing.  I have primarily used this blog to bitch and moan.  Those posts are closed.  I did this for your protection as well as mine.  Their aren’t posts that answers life’s questions or hate letters to foreign dignitaries in there, just generalized rants. So don’t feel there are nuggets of goodness or evil I am keeping from you.

When I get upset or angry I have found that banging cuss words onto my keyboard helps two-fold. 

  1. I get out all the lava-o-hate I have brewing inside me.  Mostly this funk is derived from pain.  I have a bad hip and it hurts like all hell.  Some days I know this and just ignore it.  The conversation goes a little like this:

“Damnit I hurt.  You always hurt. I know shut up.  YOU shut up.  Ok…” *

Some days it is all-encompassing and overwhelming and I am sad and depressed about my lack of ability and general agonizing pain(not always but yeah, sometimes) and writing is the best way for me to avoid assaulting inanimate objects or going into screaming fights with my husband about random unnecessary shit that I only bring up because the turn signal in my car was so annoying I almost ripped it off and everything that comes with THAT.

 

  1. I find it cathartic to go back and read these rants and whines to reflect that today wasn’t as bad as THAT day.  That day I felt psychotic and depressed.  Today I just feel pissy and blue.  Or Today I just feel annoyed and aiight.

 

I do realize I have 2 #1’s but this isn’t exactly MS word and I am not going to wrangle with WordPress to fix it. 

This brings me to another important fact about me and my blog that I feel people should know.  I like to write.  But I am not grammatically efficient all of the time.  I tend to use too many or too few commas.  See right there. Is it commas or comma’s.  I dunno. I am not sweating it.  And after some thought I am questioning apostrophe use and not comma use. 

Clearly I operate on an 8th grade grammar level.  I am ok with this.  If you are not turn back now.

So, what IS this blog about?  Well, it is about what is rolling around in my head.  It is about current events, whether political, entertainment, literary, etc. 

I have lots of opinions.  I like to share them.  I may never have a reader on this blog, but if I do, they will be well versed in “Sarah-land” the best land of all. Sarah-Land is a lot ike candy land, but with pain meds. 

(All references to pain medication are legal and prescribed.  I am not a crack head posed as a blogger.  I understand the risks associated with having to take pain medication to manage pain and I accept these risks. The alternative is to be in jail for assaulting someone like the asshole yesterday who saw me limping and still sprinted in front of me trying to get to the elevator first and caused me to swivel on said bad hip and caused lots of excruciating pain. On pain meds it still hurts just not as bad, and you just don’t care quite as much.)

What you will read here is me.  Not a persona of me, not my online version of the cooler me, just me.  It may be silly or ranty or very sincere and a big downer at times, but those are the ABC’s of me.

I will try to post weekly to this site as I said above I find it therapeutic to write.  And not just expletives.  I think getting my ideas out there onto the interwebs is an activity I can get behind.  And I can sit.  And that makes Senor Horrible Hip happy. 

And I really strive just to keep that bastard happy.  Or at least quiet.

If I obtain any readers, and you fall upon this post please feel free to introduce yourself and make yourself at home.  It is cozy here.  I may hang drapes.

In all my lunacy,

Sarah

aka Woman on Pause

 * All Internal monologues will be in Cerulean.  Aka Blue.

 PS – When I did spell check I had misspelled 11 words.  Including grammatically.  This is the beset example of my literary foibles.