Namaste. You Filthy Animal.

Good morning.  This will be my 2nd entry in a week.  Holy hell, I’m on a roll.  But not a yeast roll or a dinner roll because I am on a diet.  And the closest thing I get to bread is when I dream about it at night.  Mmmmmm bread. And don’t get me started on pasta.  *Sniff*

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But enough about that.  Don’t worry I’m not crash dieting, per se.  I am just trying to get back on track.  Now that I sit all day and don’t clean, I had to improve my caloric intake.  It is just math folks.  And I am taking 15 minute walks daily.  I anticipate that being 30-45 min once the weather stays groovy.

But, that being said I started this blog for a whole other reason.  I have started to meditate.  And let me tell you something.

It is FAN-friggin-Tastic.  I meditate to sleep, I meditate in the morning, I meditate when I get overwhelmed.  I downloaded the app, Instant Timer, and I am in LOVE.

*Except I got a message from some Russian guy that said, “Thanks for meditating with me last night.”

Um, what?  On the app there is a list of people meditating at that moment and I guess he thought, “well let me message this stranger because it’s the internet and of course it has to get fucking weird.”

Ugh People.

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The weather is getting warmer and I feel like I am starting to shake off the most chaotic winter I have ever experienced.  It was Cray Town.

But now the sun is shining, I am in love with it getting dark much later, and that all means…

It’s almost Beach time!!!

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For the first time in about 2 years, I am planning on spending some quality time at the beach. I miss it terribly.  I miss every single thing about it.  Except, that thing that touches your foot and makes you leap out of the water screaming that you are going to die.  Oh, and sharks.

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Which this is why I also started the diet and attempt to get off my ass and move around more.  See we’ve come full circle.  I love it when that happens.

As Always,

Woman On Pause

Photo Credits
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17572583-i-love-pasta.

http://www.lovethispic.com/image/75561/dear-winter.

Looking for Me

This journey that I have descended on, the one where I stay at home with the kids is coming to an end.

The boys are going back to school in 5 days.

My step kids are back with their mom and doing their thing to get ready for school in 15 days.  We will not see them again until Christmas.  If we are lucky.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself.

1. I have expectations for situations that are unreachable.
– I tried to do all the things with the kids.
– This was impossible.
– We did lots, but not nearly what I had hoped to accomplish.
– Life gets in the way of the best laid plans.

Now that the summer, for us, is coming to a close it is time for me to take stock and figure out what it is that I am going to do.

I know that I want and am going to write.

But this entire scenario was wrapped in the assumption that I was going to figure out what I wanted to do professionally.

Go back to school, find a better job, achieve my dream.

Snafoo.

I don’t know what my professional dream is.

I have worked behind a desk since June 7th 1995 which was the Monday after my graduation from High School.  I moved up through the ranks to reach managerial status, and a decent salary to see it snipped away by a downgrading economy and bad circumstance.

But, I am not sure that is even what I wanted to do.

I did it out of necessity being a single mother.

YOU do what you have to do to get by.

Finance and Accounting isn’t stripping, but it was what I could and did do to make sure i could survive.

But what do I WANT to do?

I have no clue.

The really serious part of this journey is creeping up on me faster than I would like.

I have 6 hours per day 5 days a week to get my shit together and make a plan.

*Sigh*

Why does it seem easier when I did what I HAD to do?

Why are the options harder?

Tis the journey of life.

Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I am going to post my short stories to “Woman on Writing.”

I will still blog here.  But that is where my stories will be told.

I hope to see you there.  In the mean time, wish me luck.

Cause I’m gonna need it.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Just another day.

Now that I have typed the title, I can’t get the John Secada song out of my head. For two days it was a Whitney Houston song. I just wanna dance with somebody. She played a large part in my morose mood this weekend.

No, I am not one of those people who gets sad over celebrity death. I’m just not. I don’t know them, they don’t know me. Is it sad someone died? Of course. But I am not one to get weepy over a strangers death. Especially when it was more than likely the most extreme side effect of drugs. I know it is a disease, I am not saying she deserved it. No one deserves death. But my father is supposedly on his death bed for his many moons over a needle or a powder of some sort so I tend to get a bit touchy about it. And when I heard my first reaction was anger.

I would be lying if I didn’t announce Saturday night to my husband that I heard she passed, then said, “What a waste.” and then, “She was a mother.” Smh as my younger counterparts like to type.

But it was clearly her time and she went. We all will. Some for worse reasons, some not.

I have had an extremely hard time dealing with my hip and frankly it has made me feel more than Blue the last few days. But, I looked around today and prayed with my boys a bit harder than usual, thanking God for my many blessings. Because I know I am blessed with a wonderful husband and the best kids in the world.

Do I need a vacation?

Yessir I do. But all in good time my faithful follower, all in good time.

Until then, it is Just another day. And even though I am hurting, I have the soft cushiony love of my peeps to break my fall. And that makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

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See what I did there? The pea is my gnarly hip.

Yeah I did the knowing exaggerated wink when I updated the picture. To my iPad. I am a dork like that.

Until we meet again,

Woman on pause.

picture credit click-o-Rama