The Journey

 

 

In this life, I have found that I struggle.  I struggle in my journey to be the person that I want to be.

I change diets, lifestyles, exercise plans (or lack there of), I have quit smoking 3 times for significant amounts of time, but go back.  I have tried meditating, I have bought grown folk coloring books, I have written, I have sketched, I have painted. (Not my thing.  I suck at painting.)

I have had my hair super short, then grown it out super long.  I have now done this 5 times over 10 years.  I try and be super social and go out whenever asked and then get emotionally overwhelmed and need a week alone feeling worn out and used up.  Recharge my social battery so to speak.  I am truly an introvert who loves people and learned how to fake being a semi-extrovert.

I have changed jobs every two years 85% of my working life, which is 17 years.  I have not worked to stay at home with the kids and found myself bored.  I have started my own company and saw it grow and flourish.  I was active all day which is a miracle for someone with back issues and a thrice operated on hip. (I always wanted to use the word thrice.  I hope I did it justice.)  I also saw it ripped away at the hands of someone I cared about who I have cut totally from my life.  If being the daughter of a hardcore heroin addict teaches you anything, it is “Cut and Run.  Don’t look back.”  It takes me way too long to decide to detach from toxic relationships.  But when I do, I’m out never to return.

All of these things, all of these inner conflicts, the planning, the procrastination, the fear.  And truly after all of this it hit me this morning during my coffee on my front porch.

It’s all part of the Journey.  And that’s ok.  I think, that no matter how discombobulated my head is as long as I am always trying, experimenting, attempting to be better, then I am just fine.

Isn’t that just the most lovely thing you’ve ever heard.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

PS I don’t care if not one person reads this.  It brought me tears of joy to write.

Holy Shit, I quit my job.

So.  The big news.

I quit.

I QUIT.

Well, I put in my three week notice, but you get the point.

I know what you are thinking, big friggin deal?  You start a new job and life goes on.  Blah, Blah Blah.

Nope.  I am not starting a new job.  I have no job waiting.  I am quitting work, and for the summer spending the time with my two boys and being a housewife.  Then I am going to maybe have hip surgery (again), then I am going back to school.  All the while blogging and writing like a frantic monkey on meth. Have.never.had.this.much.time.to.write.

The thing that makes me happy and feel personally fulfilled. <——-The Meth Monkey thing.

This is big because if you knew me, you would know I have NEVER NOT worked.  Ever.  I began work at age 12.  Working for my Grandfather behind the counter of his store.  Then at 16 I interned at an office locally and waited tables.  At 17, the damned Monday after graduation, I started my first 9-5.  Then from there it was basically a new job every 3-6 years.  Each one moving up the ladder.  Leading me to Accounting then Finance.

Then 2008 happened.  I took a major hit going from a Manager at a very nice salary, to a peon with a crappy hourly salary with a two hour commute.  I have done this now for three years.

After the hubs and I crunched the numbers it just didn’t make sense to send the boys to day camp (PRICEY Motherfucker Day camps are) while I spend tons in gas and wear and tear to Prince Valium to make jack shit.

So we decided I would quit.

HOLY HELL.

This is why I restarted this blog a week or two back.

I am going to be documenting going from a 9-5 day job for 19 years. to being a Stay at Home Mom.

Heyyyyyyyyy, wait.  Don’t be that way.  This won’t be a mommy blog.  I mean those are great and all, and I have learned many crafts and recipes, but this is going to document the journey.

My Journey.

And I am damned excited/scared/freaked out/stoked/completely unprepared.

This shit should be interesting.

Stay tuned.

It just gets better from here.

Or I go down in flames.

Either way, it makes for good reading.  Don’tchathink??

Holy shit no pictures.

As always,and stay tuned.

Woman on Pause