M.R.I. – Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy Part II

We arrive back at this tale of woes with me winning the battle against my blood pressure and on my way (Finally) to get the MRI of my hip.  To recap Here

So they transfer me to a gurney and send me to the basement of the hospital to….

Wait. Again.

In the mean time, they give me this marker to put on the area of my hip that I am there for.  Well, I had never really realized it was there unless I was standing up.  So, I have to go through the two gowns I have on and the sheet to try and locate the lump and stick the marker.  As I am doing this I realize that trying to locate it under the sheet, in a gurney, in the waiting area of the MRI Imaging department, people are starting to stare.

I look like I am masturbating.

Straight up, no joke,I can see it on their faces.  They think I am insane and am so turned on by the scent of bleach and sickness that I decided to dial the pink telephone right then and there.


I don’t even know if I got it in the right spot, I stuck it then it occurred to me to try and explain to the few people what I was doing, but then decided better of it because I couldn’t even navigate that conversation in my head.

How embarrassing.

Finally after a while it was time.  I did the MRI and fell asleep as I usually do.  They wake me up and I try and get off the table.

Feeling a bit light headed.  She said that is normal and bluntly tells me to put my clothes on.  Maybe she had received a complaint about a brunette practicing self lovin’ in her waiting room.  Who knows.

 photo Getout.gif

I get dressed and get directed out.  I am trying to navigate the halls but I am so dizzy and nauseous.  I almost pass out.

I think, I probably need to eat.  The cafeteria place was on my way to the parking garage so I stop in.  It is packed.  Since my phone is dead, I ask the woman  in front of me what time it is.

1:45pm.  WTF???

SHIT, I have to be home by 2:15 to greet my son from the bus.  It is pouring and the door is locked I have to GO NOW.

I grab some cheezits, a fiber one bar, and a pepsi and run woozily out of there.

I arrive at my car and I have to sit down.  I think if there is anyone I can call to drive me because I still feel like I am going to faint.  I am hurriedly cramming cheezits into my mouth and I realize there is a note on my car.


You HAVE GOT TO BE F’ING Kidding me.  I get out of my car, almost fall out, to see what crazy parking I have done.  I was about 6 inches over the front line.  In the middle of a huge parking garage on the 4th floor.  That’s it.  Nothing more.

But this passive aggressive asshole decided that was unacceptable and went back to their car, and tore a sheet of paper from the saddest diary ever and left me what you see above.

I curled it up screamed “AAAUGHGHGHHHHHH REALLY?!?!?!?  REALLLLLLLLLY???”

I did kind of hope that the asshole who wrote that note was in the MRI waiting room and was traumatized by some crazy lady masturbating in the waiting room.  A girl can only hope.

Day from HELL.

*Side Bar – I spoke with a nurse friend and she said that more than likely when they injected me with lidocaine, they hit a vein.  It is not intended to be injected into a vein and when it happens, it is like an epinephrine shot.  Your BP goes up and your heart rate increases.  She said as a nurse she had seen women pass out, puke, etc. and they really should have been monitoring my BP and heart rate the entire time.


I am still limping but not feeling faint anymore, took 48 hours to feel normal again.  I can laugh about it all, but if this is any indication of things to come pray for me.

I’m gonna need it.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credit: http://now-here-this.timeout.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/url-17.gif

MRI – Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy

Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy.  That was the best I could come up with.  I am hoping as I start this that it won’t run too long.  But it is hard to summarize this many fails in a short post.

Reason for MRI.  My doctor didn’t like a mass of skin on the front of my hip, near my incision scars and wanted me to do a MRI with contrast to find out what the hell it is.  (I assume scar tissue or fluid, but clearly he is hoping for the gold star on the board for Dr with most MRI’s in January.)

I go in and spend a small fortune on this as it is the beginning of the year and no deductibles had been met that day.  Fine.  Whatever.

They told me to be in Radiology at 9am for the contrast to be injected (with a bastard needle) into my hip joint then they would take me for my MRI at 10:15am. Kewl.  I have had this same type of MRI no less than 5 times already.  Piece of cake.

I am on time and in the waiting area.

Then two hours go by.

Me – Um hai.  This seems an odd amount of time to wait.

Them – We apologize for your delay.  To compensate, let’s bring you into this small room so you can get naked and wear our 2013 Oscar De Larenta “Showing all your Business” gowns.

Fine. So I change and I wait.

Another hour.

In a broom closet.

At this point I am still naively optimistic.  But bored, so I am taking pictures of all of the things.


They finally bring me in the room outside of the broom closet.  And I wait.  With all of my stuff in a bag.


A nurse wheels in sitting on a chair and informs me that MRI is backed up and it will be another 30 minutes.  She apologizes and says, “They had a difficult patient.”  I said, “I am about to become a difficult patient.”

Hunger and agitation have set in.

I have been here since 8:30am it is noon and I am starving and getting annoyed.  But still trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I dig in my purse and find a dum dum lolipop.  Glory be. Maybe I will make it through.  And I found some gum.  Mom Perk #5,499 candy at the bottom of your purse.


Finally it is time!!  They lay me on this–


–So they can inject the contrast into my hip joint they have to do it under X-Ray.  I lay down and they inject my hip with lidocaine as not to have me screaming in pain while she tries to cross stitch her initials into my hip joint.

It doesn’t go well.  The PA is telling me that the joint is so tight the needle keeps popping out.  So she has to keep putting it back in, and now I am in some fairly serious pain.  I would rate it a 6 then slowly progressed to a 7 and it is taking a lot longer than the other ones ever did.  She is apologizing, I am quietly crying, this isn’t going well.

She finally says it is done.  And apologizes again.

They assist me onto a wheelchair because I can’t put weight on the joint because it will mess up the contrast.

Then they take my blood pressure.


Oh shit.

She pleasantly informs me that if it doesn’t go down not only are they NOT going to do the MRI, but she will strongly suggest I get wheeled over to ER.


So naturally my BP being so high I am now faced with all of this being in vain, I feel my BP rise more.  I breathe, I think happy thoughts about food (as I am still starving) sunny days and unicorns.  Anything to try and bring it down.

They try again 154/102.

YAY me and the power of mind control.

Next is where it really went wrong.

Tomorrow.  Part II. Promise.

As Always,


Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:  WomanonPauseFineFotosAndWines.com