The Big Cleanse

I have heard so much lately about these products that are a “Full Body Cleanse.” These magical products flush all of the toxins out of your body so you can basically start fresh.  Now, naysayers seem to think that the body flushes these toxins out naturally and to assist in the matter can cause more harm than good.  I can see this point.  I think up until this point that’s what has stopped me from trying a “Cleanse.”

Today is the day I am going to give it a shot.

While I realize the last paragraph has led you to believe I am going to ingest a product that will clean out my colon, that is not what it is I am going to do.  I am doing a remarkable new cleanse that cleans out your mind.

I have officially had it up to ————- <—- there

with just about everyone and every thing.  There are certain things in this life I need to concentrate on and I can’t do it with all of the constant noise. 

Time to quiet it all down.

If there is no mental noise, no outside interference (My Interference: Try to imagine the most annoying noise you have ever heard of, the shrill fire alarm type.) Without that interference I can proceed with, “Out with the old, in with the new.”

I feel this would be even more satisfying than what the “Colon Cleanse” promises.  And without the icky dehydration afterwards.

I am going to be schluffing (Yes this is a word, if for no other reason that I just made it one) off the old that is holding back the new refreshed psyche that is literally beating at the walls to be set free.

Before I get into numbered steps and things most of you really  just won’t care about, I will add some levity to this post.  But just once.  Don’t get excited…

I am about to be as funny, and as happily oblivious as this dog.

Step One

I did the FB break.  And I did ok for a while.  It was very revealing, the fact I literally couldn’t stay away. But every day I have peeked since that proclamation I am sickened by what I see and read.  For no other reason than I tend to read everything in a whiny, or condescending voice.  I can’t help it.  It all seems generic, without feeling, soul-less, empty.  Blech.  So the FB is out.  Oh, and ironically I found a NEW social networking site while I promised I would stay off the old one!  Google+  Yeah, no.   That shit’s gone too.  I think at one point these sites will benefit me (financially or to promote), but now… Negative.

Step Two

Time to get rid of those who are bringing me down.  Or at least don’t care where I am as long as I am “there for them” or “a good friend that drops everything for your anything.”  That shit’s gotta go.  And I can truly say it only got that way out of my honest sense of, “Maybe I am over reacting.  Maybe it is just me.  Maybe it isn’t as bad as I think it is.”

Nope, it is.  Perhaps worst.  And I am always guilty of this.  Hanging on way too damned long.  I think it comes from, I never want to have a regret so I hang in their to make doubly sure it is done.  What ends up happening though, I end up regretting the time I wasted by NOT nipping that mess in the bud.

Step C

Other people’s bullshit.  Specifically people I don’t like (but due to divorce HAVE to deal with.)

That has to go too.  So in a sense it is a bit like a metaphorical colon cleanse.  I don’t care about, nor will I continue to be inundated by the crap of people who honestly I could smack in the mouth if it weren’t for the fact I would go to jail.  I don’t even like you, and your life is STILL somehow effecting mine.

Do do have to go right now! (Please read that last line with the bladder control jingle won’t you?)  <–revision remark.  See how it says “Do Do have to go right now. It was supposed to say, “You DO Have to go right now.  It was a play on that catchy bladder control medicine jingle.  But I find it Hysterically ironic on a blog I have compared mental ickiness with poo, I typed Do Do instead of You do.  HA! 

I feel better already. Insert colon and half parenthesis on that little thought. (And yet another COLON reference.  Dying of giggles over here….)

Time for me to concentrate on getting me out of this lawsuit mess.  Or at least getting through it.  Time for me to focus on getting the kids ready to go back to school.  Time for me to stop dwelling on things that just don’t matter.  Not even a little.  But I use the useless things to fester upon to divert myself from the actual aggravation I feel, and it’s creepy, dark, nougatey, source. comma comma comma I hate commas and use way too many.  I know this…

Time to get this leg fixed.  One way or the other.  Time to stop feeling ashamed because I have had to treat it to make it through.  I am here now, so let’s get this ball rolling. 

This entire post can basically be broken down into these few, but yet so every important words,

“Fuck this noise”

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.  Ok. 

Step V

Make the plan to quit smoking.  I have until 08/31 to have this snuffed out. 

We can and will do this. 

It is time.


I really think that when I re-visit on 08/30 and discuss how things have gone in the last 45 days, I believe it will be like night and day. 

And I can say this, because at this point, if I don’t do something about this, it will now be my fault for wallowing.  And GD-mit I hate a wallower.  I mean the word itself makes me feel a bit of puke rise up in the back of my throat. 

So.  Wish me well in my journey to cleanse out the shit.  Pun intended even though so horribly obvious. 

I mean look at Beyonce.  She cleaned out the shit, and she seems happy as all hell!

"Clean as a whistle y'all!"

As always,

Woman on Pause

P.S – After re-reading and revising this post, I have changed my mood drastically.  I still feel that writing out the mess makes me feel 100% better.  Works every damned time.  I suggest it highly. 

Photo Credit”