Slippery Slope Part II

I just re-read my last post about how bad things were leading up to that post in July 2018.  And what I wrote still rings true.  It is still a battle.  But it has been less of a battle every day.  As in, I’ve moved past the anger (for the most part) and decided that I had fallen into a pattern of behavior that I did not like.  I think it was a slow evolution during the hard times that just became who I was day to day.

Fuck that.

I don’t have to be who I was, who someone wants me to be, or even who I should be.  I can only be Sarah, today.  Sarah today trying each day to be better than the last.  There will be moments of reverting back to the hard times and my piss poor handling of them, but the fewer and farther between they occur the more I feel like I am in forward progress.  I am not regressing or stagnant.  And that really is HUGE.  And I can say it with 100% surety because I decided to change things, and alas they are changing.  For the better, every day.

Shitty things will continue to happen.  I am implementing coping mechanisms for those occurrences so I don’t become overwhelmed.  And even if I do, I handle that better.  By practicing small ways to de-stress, find things to be thankful for, and remembering no matter what happens, tomorrow comes.  But, I don’t have an infinite number of tomorrows so I need to embrace each one.  All of them. And that’s my goal.

I hope that the 2 people (and that is a generous estimate) that follow my ramblings are doing well and finding themselves a little better every day.  And if you aren’t.  That’s ok too.  It will lead you to where you need to be.

Everything does.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Shifty

I am trying to be a better person.  Not for anyone, just for me.  This is something that has rooted up the last few years.  A nagging that I can be better.  And I should be better.  That improving who I am, will directly affect everyone around me in a positive manner.

I have been reading, “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson.

subtle

This is one book I wish I had bought a physical copy of instead of an audio book.  It has such wonderful gems in it I want to be able to go back to them and remind myself why I am changing, why it sucks to change, but why to keep with it.

It has quotes like this gem,
“Decision-making based on emotional intuition, without the aid of reason to keep it in line, pretty much always sucks. You know who bases their entire lives on their emotions? Three-year-old kids. And dogs. You know what else three-year-olds and dogs do? Shit on the carpet.”

And
“Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance. Seriously,”

It is one of those books that you hope will always stay with you.  It helps with a paradigm shift.  I need paradigm shifts.  I need a lot of them and in high doses.

Paradigm shifts are the things that help me hit my reset button.  The button that is BEGGING to be pushed, screaming out, PUHLEEEZE Sarah, HIT ME!  But I all hear is, “Worry, anxiety, complaining, pettiness, complacency” But that is the button talking.  It is manifesting itself in the above ways.  It takes me forever to figure out that all that worry and head clogging nonsense needs to be shook up and looked at in a different way.  A healthier way.  A Better way.

This book has helped a lot in that pursuit.

So in the meantime, I will be shaking things up on the path to Self Awareness. No matter how long and scary that path may be.

As always,

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:   I tried to credit this photo.  When I paste the link the photo pops up.  So, hopefully if you click that photo it will pop up where I copied this pic. Weird…