Driving Mrs. Crazy – The Finale

To recap.

There was the intro to this hot mess that is my driving record.  Driving Mrs. Crazy Part I and Part II.

And now the point to all of this back story.

I have developed a fairly serious phobia.

Not of driving as one would suspect.  But of being a passenger.  I thought up until last week it was when I was in the front seat of the car.  You know right there with all the action.  Front row.

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(I apologize in advance this gif is vomit worthy. But a fairly accurate representation on several levels)

Last week I was being driven by my eighty-five year old grandfather through Jacksonville, and was in the back seat and deducted the following,

Holy shit.  I can’t be a passenger.  AT ALL.

Up until I got married four years ago, no one recently had really driven me.  I drive myself.  Up until May I commuted 80 miles per day through a major city.

I Drive.

Me.

The one in control.

And that is no problem.  I can eat a sandwich, change radio stations, and navigate morning traffic without a second thought.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

But when I am being driven I have to focus on something, ANYTHING else.  And that is only a temporary fix.  I almost have anxiety attacks every time I am a passenger in a vehicle for more than 10 minutes.

This is where I am an asshole who thought people with phobia’s can just get over it.
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Because I HAVE TRIED.  I will sit there, with my very competent husband at the helm and repeat the following in my head.

“He is an excellent driver.  He has an excellent driving record.  He is fully capable of getting us from point A to point B without incident.  Stop being a nut job and just relax.  It is fine.  Wait, does he see that car in front of us has stopped?  Does HE SEE IT??  I SEE IT.  HE must have seen it.  Should I scream, I want to scream.  Wait, DOES he see it???  Aauuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh faaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkk WeAreGoingToDieeeeeeeeeeee.”

As he comes to a normal stop behind the person who also stopped.

I am now panting, sweating, and my nails are embedded in the handle of the passenger door.

I am not kidding.  It is that bad.

I took a picture from the back seat of my grandfather driving and sent it to Hubs with the following, “I may very well have a heart attack.  Tell the boys I love them.  And that I died of irrationality and absurdity.”

*Sigh*

On a road trip to North Carolina I had to take a Valium.  Which I never take unless my anxiety is an out of control Monster Truck in the Stands.  I just couldn’t calm down.  It was pouring rain, winds were crazy and my husband doesn’t really slow down for rain and the combo was just too much.  I tried to stare at my phone but every movement of the car had me looking up then feeling like I we were going to be in a horrific wreck at any moment.  At any moment at every moment.

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It must be because I have been in so many accidents where I am rear-ended.  That is the only thing I can figure.  But this has got to stop.  It seems to be getting worse instead of getting better.

Any suggestions out there?  Anyone else have anything like this??

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/1351944/roller-coaster-o.gif.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5o984JAc41qfu94so1_500.gif.
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Tyra-Banks-No-Finger-Wave-Gif.gif.
http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1343010065154_6364776.png.

If you ever wondered why…

If you ever wondered why…I write horror.

I find “Scary” in the oddest places.  I am not sure if I am tuned in to what is scary as hell, or if it is just an odd talent of mine.  And you all might think I am a damned crazy person.

My last post I was all boo hoo and put this gif up

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Great, wonderful, whatever.

*This is my favorite movie btw.  I saw it at four years old with a babysitter and scarred me for life.  Or scared me for life, take it as you will.

So, last night I am on my mobile on the back porch.  Enjoying a, “Fuck this day cocktail”, and I posted the same gif on FB about how I am all well… fuck this day.

I click it, wondering if it works on mobile, and I saw this.

I actually took out my camera and took video of my phone.  And I hope you clicked it, because I am not sure if it creeped me out because it was night, or I was essentially alone with two boys in their beds, hubs at work, but it creeped me the FUCK out.  How does a gif turn into this on a mobile, a GOOD mobile phone at that…  Why? It isn’t the disjointed eye ball thing.  That is clearly an editing thing, it is the flashing.  And it just cycled through, flashing every damned time.

I am hard to scare.  When it comes to movies, it takes a really good flick to get me creeped out.  I think because I have seen them all, read them all, and you have to have your A Game on to scare me.

But odd things like this, scare the hell out of me.

Maybe you guys don’t find this odd or scary.

Maybe I am just insane, but I found this scary as hell. Freaked me out, truth be told.  I closed the window on my phone, I didn’t want to SEE it anymore.

Because it should be one thing, and now it is something completely different with no obvious cause or reason?

Isn’t that what scary is?

The unknown?

Feel free to call me insane.  I am ok with that.

I also feel like when I get freaked out by something like this, or by a dream, it is my writing muse screaming at me to STFU and get to writing.  I have felt for years that there is something good, something coming, something deep inside that is screaming to get out.  And these are just little motivations for me to write and bring the scary to the general public.

A Stephanie King moment if you will.

Again, perhaps I am insane.

What do you find scary?

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Black and White

I used to dream in black and white.

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I read that this is normal.

All of my dreams, at least the one’s I recall, are all dark and frankly scary.  I have been woken up from bad dreams my entire life.

I rarely dream about my children, and when I do they are lost, and I am desperate to find them.

I never dream of my husband, not in person.  I know he exists, but I never see him.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch, I had a sick little one and wanted to hear if there was any distress in the night.

I couldn’t sleep.  Pain from my hip had me flipping channels until I just couldn’t stay awake any longer.

I woke and looked to my left to see a woman on the end of my couch with her head in her hands.  All I could see was her hair, and that she was curled up in a ball. Rocking ever so slightly back and forth.

head in hands

I looked up at her, and immediately I felt the air change.  It was similar to being close to a lightning bolt, where you can smell the ozone, and the air feels thick.

She whimpered, “My head, it hurts so badly.” And she made fists in her hair.

I told her, “Oh God, I can feel it in the air.”

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I felt it coming.

It was coming fast.

I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I knew this wasn’t the first time this had happened.  My immediate response wasn’t fear but anger.

This was a 2nd, 3rd, or 8th visit.

I had just forgotten the other one’s until that moment.

When the thick air surrounded me, I grabbed my head and put it in my hands, began to rock slowly.

I slowly mumbled, “Fuck you, Fuck YOU, FUCK YOU,” waiting on it to pass, to leave me. The mumble became a scream, and the fear was debilitating.  But the anger was right at the very end of the fear.

Then I woke up.

In the exact same spot, head in hands.  Where just moments ago in my dream I was being accosted by something or someone.

This dream was in color.

The next morning my son woke up, I took his temperature and he looked at me stone faced and said, “I had the weirdest dream.”  I couldn’t speak.  I didn’t want to know he dreamed what I dreamed.

I was just as scared at that moment as I was when I woke up from that dream.

*This Actually friggin happened 2 nights ago.  Still scares the ever loving SHIT out of me.  Even to think about it.

I knew immediately I had to write about it.  Because being scared and scaring others is what gets my blood pumping.

Taking a new turn,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:

http://www.vsaggiomo.com/w/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/tem16.png

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/–gstBVkEr64/TjBwD59VYLI/AAAAAAAAAQk/4ZDAcmeacFM/s400/brunette+crying%252C+head+in+hands_2.jpg

I got lost in the internet. Send help.

I was on Pinterest, because that is just what I do, when I decided I wanted to see if I could find an interesting way to do boxed brownies.

So I put in the search, “Brownies.”  Because that is normal, but then this happened.

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Um, no that is not a Brownie.  That is something Stephen King dreams of during his Wednesday afternoon naps. 

What in the hell are those?

Then I thought, maybe I am being culturally insensitive. Perhaps this is a treasure of a culture I am not aware of. 

So I went to my trusted friend and confidante, Google.

This was a poor decision.

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They looked somewhat “Fairy” like so I googled just that, “Brownie Fairy.”

Yeah.

So I entered the third circle of internet hell. 

I hope this isn’t some time honored tradition I am stomping on over here, but this was creepy as hell. 

All of it. 

CREEPAAAAAY Creepy.  Creepy VonCreepershmidt, I also file it under, HELL NO and DO NOT WANT.

On a lighter note, been using my camera more.  I just took these shots of the impending monsoon I expect we will be under in around 20 minutes. 

I am no professional, hell I am not even an amatuer, but I enjoy taking pictures.  Enjoy!

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One last thing, has anyone else ever gotten lost on the internet?  Did you find the Forth Circle of hell, or just an old picture of Lisa Lisa, sans Cult Jam?

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As always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

Photo Credithttp://flowerno5.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/lisa_lisa.jpg