Black and White

I used to dream in black and white.


I read that this is normal.

All of my dreams, at least the one’s I recall, are all dark and frankly scary.  I have been woken up from bad dreams my entire life.

I rarely dream about my children, and when I do they are lost, and I am desperate to find them.

I never dream of my husband, not in person.  I know he exists, but I never see him.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch, I had a sick little one and wanted to hear if there was any distress in the night.

I couldn’t sleep.  Pain from my hip had me flipping channels until I just couldn’t stay awake any longer.

I woke and looked to my left to see a woman on the end of my couch with her head in her hands.  All I could see was her hair, and that she was curled up in a ball. Rocking ever so slightly back and forth.

head in hands

I looked up at her, and immediately I felt the air change.  It was similar to being close to a lightning bolt, where you can smell the ozone, and the air feels thick.

She whimpered, “My head, it hurts so badly.” And she made fists in her hair.

I told her, “Oh God, I can feel it in the air.”

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I felt it coming.

It was coming fast.

I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I knew this wasn’t the first time this had happened.  My immediate response wasn’t fear but anger.

This was a 2nd, 3rd, or 8th visit.

I had just forgotten the other one’s until that moment.

When the thick air surrounded me, I grabbed my head and put it in my hands, began to rock slowly.

I slowly mumbled, “Fuck you, Fuck YOU, FUCK YOU,” waiting on it to pass, to leave me. The mumble became a scream, and the fear was debilitating.  But the anger was right at the very end of the fear.

Then I woke up.

In the exact same spot, head in hands.  Where just moments ago in my dream I was being accosted by something or someone.

This dream was in color.

The next morning my son woke up, I took his temperature and he looked at me stone faced and said, “I had the weirdest dream.”  I couldn’t speak.  I didn’t want to know he dreamed what I dreamed.

I was just as scared at that moment as I was when I woke up from that dream.

*This Actually friggin happened 2 nights ago.  Still scares the ever loving SHIT out of me.  Even to think about it.

I knew immediately I had to write about it.  Because being scared and scaring others is what gets my blood pumping.

Taking a new turn,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:–gstBVkEr64/TjBwD59VYLI/AAAAAAAAAQk/4ZDAcmeacFM/s400/brunette+crying%252C+head+in+hands_2.jpg

You need to go to “Life” school. Updated with real life example!

*Update! – Seems my post was spot on.  2 points for reclining in an airline seat and making the person in front of you uncomfortable.  -2 for smacking them over it.  😉  See below article…

I do a lot of driving. 

I travel 84 miles per day for work.  While I do find this time quiet and a way for me to gather myself before my day starts or before I get home to the kids, it is still one helluva drive.

I used to get on average one to two tickets per year.  I mean when you drive 22K miles per year, it is really just about the law of averages.  But lately, I have had no problem keeping my lead foot tucked neatly under my thigh and let cruise control take over the wheel and get me safely back home.

(Knock on Wood x 1,458,112) – Tickets suck.

Which brings me to my point.  If a person gets a ticket they get points on their license.  If you get too many points you need to A) Go to driving school and get them reduced or B) eventually lose your license.  Too many points in a year and poof, no license.  This is when you find people on the riding lawn mower trying to get a loaf of bread from the convenience store.

Who wants that?

I think though, that there should be a similar system for life.  If you break certain rules you get points on your LL, or your “Life License.”  Too many points and you lose your license and you die.

Just kidding, you get it revoked and are forced to go to “Life School.”

For example the following offences would be worth the corresponding points:

1 – Not holding the door for the person entering right behind you.      
2 – Not washing your hands after using the toilet. (Yes blue pumps on the first floor, I am looking at you.)
.5 – Stealing a pen or writing device.
4 – Cutting someone off in traffic.
.5 – Not changing the roll of toilet paper once it is empty
2 – Talking obnoxiously on your cell phone in an indoor public place.
2.5 – If using bluetooth to commit above offense
1.5 – Giving backwards compliments
.5 – Make-up line on the jaw
1 – Messing up someone’s order.  (This can be for any instance where a thing is ordered and it isn’t delivered as requested.)
3 – Driving without your lights on at night. (I get this falls back around the traffic points, but I saw this last night, and if the police didn’t get him, his LL should be dinged.)
1 – Serving fast food or frozen food to your family more than one night in a row.(Due to laziness not broke-ness)
1 – Walking over flowers.
.25 – Not saying please or thank you.
2 – Throwing someone under the bus for personal gain. (Not literally)
1 – Tattling or needlessly starting shit.  Wait, make that a 2.
1.5 – Muffin Top (Male or Female)
5 – Lying to get someone into bed.

You guys get the idea. If you hit 12 points in a year, you get your LL revoked.  This means going to go to a two day class that reminds you how to act like you are a decent human being.  AND that others are ALSO decent human beings and should be treated as such.

If you don’t attend this mandatory class to get your LL back, you will be forced to babysit Kate from John and Kate + 8 or Work at State Mandated Liquor Store, or something even less desirable until you get your license back.

Try and imagine a world where people were always decent to others.  What a world that would be…

Ah, but alas, I am afraid we are stuck with the rude, crude, and inconsiderate. 

Good thing there are so many of us awesome people out there to balance it all out.  I’m just sayin. 

As always,


Photo Credits:


I had a dream last night.  I dreamt that I had written two maybe three sentences and it was brilliant, cohesive, and beautiful.  Somehow within these few words I had gathered all needed aspects of a good short story and represented them in twenty words.  And not just represented well, but I knew it would be praised, studied, and revered. 

I recall moments before I popped out of this dream, saying to my sleeping self, “Don’t forget this.  It is important and will change your life.  You will have doors open to write as much as you like, always if that is what you want.  And it is.”

Then I woke up.

As I got out of bed and tried to shake the sleep off of me I remembered that I had a dream.  I knew it was important.  When I tried to dig deep back into the details I realized the premise.  When I tried to open the door to the actual passage all I saw were words typed on a page very similar to what I am typing on now.  But I couldn’t read them.  But I knew they were there.

This dream showed me that what I have is inside me I just need to get it on paper.  I may have even been disappointed, no I would have, to not have conjured those words on my own but had my subconscious feed them to me on a platter.  I want to feel the writing, I want to live in it, and I want to breathe it in.

So the purpose of this blog has been decided.  While I will come forth and have a good time and rant and rave about silly things and not so silly things, I am setting a goal of one short story every fifteen days.  I will allow myself to go to twenty but nothing beyond that. 

Gotta start somewhere.  Right?


And the journey begins...


 As Always,

 Woman on Pause