Looking for Me

This journey that I have descended on, the one where I stay at home with the kids is coming to an end.

The boys are going back to school in 5 days.

My step kids are back with their mom and doing their thing to get ready for school in 15 days.  We will not see them again until Christmas.  If we are lucky.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself.

1. I have expectations for situations that are unreachable.
– I tried to do all the things with the kids.
– This was impossible.
– We did lots, but not nearly what I had hoped to accomplish.
– Life gets in the way of the best laid plans.

Now that the summer, for us, is coming to a close it is time for me to take stock and figure out what it is that I am going to do.

I know that I want and am going to write.

But this entire scenario was wrapped in the assumption that I was going to figure out what I wanted to do professionally.

Go back to school, find a better job, achieve my dream.

Snafoo.

I don’t know what my professional dream is.

I have worked behind a desk since June 7th 1995 which was the Monday after my graduation from High School.  I moved up through the ranks to reach managerial status, and a decent salary to see it snipped away by a downgrading economy and bad circumstance.

But, I am not sure that is even what I wanted to do.

I did it out of necessity being a single mother.

YOU do what you have to do to get by.

Finance and Accounting isn’t stripping, but it was what I could and did do to make sure i could survive.

But what do I WANT to do?

I have no clue.

The really serious part of this journey is creeping up on me faster than I would like.

I have 6 hours per day 5 days a week to get my shit together and make a plan.

*Sigh*

Why does it seem easier when I did what I HAD to do?

Why are the options harder?

Tis the journey of life.

Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I am going to post my short stories to “Woman on Writing.”

I will still blog here.  But that is where my stories will be told.

I hope to see you there.  In the mean time, wish me luck.

Cause I’m gonna need it.

As Always,

Woman on Pause