I just re-read my last post about how bad things were leading up to that post in July 2018. And what I wrote still rings true. It is still a battle. But it has been less of a battle every day. As in, I’ve moved past the anger (for the most part) and decided that I had fallen into a pattern of behavior that I did not like. I think it was a slow evolution during the hard times that just became who I was day to day.
I don’t have to be who I was, who someone wants me to be, or even who I should be. I can only be Sarah, today. Sarah today trying each day to be better than the last. There will be moments of reverting back to the hard times and my piss poor handling of them, but the fewer and farther between they occur the more I feel like I am in forward progress. I am not regressing or stagnant. And that really is HUGE. And I can say it with 100% surety because I decided to change things, and alas they are changing. For the better, every day.
Shitty things will continue to happen. I am implementing coping mechanisms for those occurrences so I don’t become overwhelmed. And even if I do, I handle that better. By practicing small ways to de-stress, find things to be thankful for, and remembering no matter what happens, tomorrow comes. But, I don’t have an infinite number of tomorrows so I need to embrace each one. All of them. And that’s my goal.
I hope that the 2 people (and that is a generous estimate) that follow my ramblings are doing well and finding themselves a little better every day. And if you aren’t. That’s ok too. It will lead you to where you need to be.
Woman on Pause