One Year at Home – From Desk to Domesticity

This week marks the one year anniversary of me leaving my job/career to stay at home.  I can’t believe it has been a year.  I thought time flew by fast before because the nature of my job is time structured.  First of the month there were certain tasks as were the 15th then month end.

Nope.

Time just goes by really fast regardless.

I needed this time away from my job.  For several reasons. I never really took a vacation.  Maybe two in 15 years.  I craved knowing what not working felt like.  I never had that feeling in my adult life.

Ever.

I needed to know that I like to work. When you have always worked and are expected to work you start to wonder if it is even something you want to do.  Whether it is working or the career you have chose.

Believe it or not.  I do like to work.  I have a renewed sense of purpose and look forward to getting back to school to finish my degree.

(Note.  I do not look forward to GOING to school.  I hate school.  But it has to be done.)

Things I miss:

  • Interaction with adults.  Adult conversation.  Inappropriate humor.
  • Mocha Lattes
  • Feeling accomplished
  • Comradeship
  • Feeling I contribute financially <—-  This is a big one.  More so than I thought it would be.

Things I don’t miss:

  • Commuting
  • Office politics. (What did that bitch say to my boss???  Oh hell no….)
  • Work stress
  • Missing out on time with my kids/class visits/holiday parties/award ceremonies/ etc.

There have been highs and lows to this major change in my life.  But more highs than lows.  I always wondered if I would be the kind of person to want to stay at home.  I am not.  I will enjoy it now, but am eager to get back to it.

Which hopefully will be by the end of Summer.  While I loathe the thought of taking classes again I know it is just a step towards building my career and having professional satisfaction.

That being said, how employers will view my employment gap is the scariest part of all of this.

I hear that is a big no-no.

Whoops!

The journey continues…

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

Looking for Me

This journey that I have descended on, the one where I stay at home with the kids is coming to an end.

The boys are going back to school in 5 days.

My step kids are back with their mom and doing their thing to get ready for school in 15 days.  We will not see them again until Christmas.  If we are lucky.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself.

1. I have expectations for situations that are unreachable.
– I tried to do all the things with the kids.
– This was impossible.
– We did lots, but not nearly what I had hoped to accomplish.
– Life gets in the way of the best laid plans.

Now that the summer, for us, is coming to a close it is time for me to take stock and figure out what it is that I am going to do.

I know that I want and am going to write.

But this entire scenario was wrapped in the assumption that I was going to figure out what I wanted to do professionally.

Go back to school, find a better job, achieve my dream.

Snafoo.

I don’t know what my professional dream is.

I have worked behind a desk since June 7th 1995 which was the Monday after my graduation from High School.  I moved up through the ranks to reach managerial status, and a decent salary to see it snipped away by a downgrading economy and bad circumstance.

But, I am not sure that is even what I wanted to do.

I did it out of necessity being a single mother.

YOU do what you have to do to get by.

Finance and Accounting isn’t stripping, but it was what I could and did do to make sure i could survive.

But what do I WANT to do?

I have no clue.

The really serious part of this journey is creeping up on me faster than I would like.

I have 6 hours per day 5 days a week to get my shit together and make a plan.

*Sigh*

Why does it seem easier when I did what I HAD to do?

Why are the options harder?

Tis the journey of life.

Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I am going to post my short stories to “Woman on Writing.”

I will still blog here.  But that is where my stories will be told.

I hope to see you there.  In the mean time, wish me luck.

Cause I’m gonna need it.

As Always,

Woman on Pause