Face Value

I want to figure out a way to get my picture on my blog home page.  WordPress and I will do 50 rounds until I get it just the way I like it.  But I still feel like I am not accurately representing myself in my current photo.

The one I see on the top right.

I am not totally sure if ANYONE can see it. But I can see it, and it urks me.  I am at least 20lbs lighter and have long hair.  The picture is a good three years old.  Feels fraudulent.

I like to know what people look like, and I assume others do as well.  I think of it as a conversation, I am talking you are talking, we should know what we look like.

So. Without further ado, my most recent shot taken on Sunday.  I had blow dried my hair and actually applied some make up.  What!!!!!!

A picture had to be taken to monument the occasion.

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The funny thing about this, I feel the same way about Facebook, so I posted it there.

Someone mentioned what a great glow I had.

Well…

I did that face glow thing you can do when you edit your pictures.  Not so I look angelic, but because my right eye (left eye in pic) looked green underneath.  Like I was recovering from my first night at Fight Club. Sorry  no one is supposed to talk about Fight Club. Forget I mentioned it.

The fix worked, so voila!

But then someone pointed out I was glowing, and it was called “Face Glow.”

This is the original picture.

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A little shinier, and that weird green under eye thing.  I hope I am not a total fraud.

After typing all of this though, I realize I am probably vain and neurotic.  Ugh.  I hate self realizations.

(I also know this because I took like 20 selfies to get the best one.  I CAN’T be the only one that does this.)

Truth in blogging THIS is what I look like day in and day out since I stopped working.

papas

Hair up, no make up, sunglasses firmly planted on head, same khaki shorts, easy peasy.

And the truth shall set you free.

So, this is the person behind this blog.  Hope it finds each and every one of you well.

As always,

Woman on Pause

I Have Work Herpes

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately.  Reaching out my bloggy tentacles to try and expand my mind and get to know my fellow bloggers.  (Better Off Dead, “He put his testicles all over me.  TESTICLES?  You know, octopus… OH you mean tentacles.”)

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MEYERRRRRRRR

Did you see what happened there?   Off the rails in the first paragraph.  I do believe I have WADHD.  Writing Attention Deficit Disorder.  Pronounced, Wahhhhduh.

Anywho, I have so many things in my head.  I want to blog about all of the things.  When I try and focus on one thing it seems dull and unappealing. Like David Hasselhoff’s little toe.  I mean who cares about that?!?!

But the ideas keep coming and flowing in a breakneck speed.  Dare I say, manic speed.

Here’s a little glimpse.  I am just going to type it out as it comes.  I can feel my 12 readers going to 2 as we speak…

PS.  Going to put random pictures in this list.  Seems like it will make it more interesting. They are not cohesive.  Don’t try and figure out what it all means.

  • How am I going to spend three months every day with my kids, when the most time I have spent with them in a row is a week?
  • Am I going to be able to handle Domesticity?  How is that a word?  No red squiggly it must be a word.  I am a genius.
  • Buzzfeed, how do you lure me in with your cutesy posts.  CONSTANTLY.
  • Food Network and the Cooking Channel, why do I watch you?  You make me hungry and sad and I can’t make the fabulousness.  Cheddar crust.  REALLY???? Red Chili Honey??  Give me a fucking break.

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I actually, purposefully searched Penguins in Sweaters. I may be insane.

  • NPR Short Fiction contest – how is there already a deadline.  This is too much pressure.  But I can’t not submit because that is lame bullshit.  IT IS ONLY 600 words.  I have already typed like 700.  Ok, I just looked down and it is 265 but it feels like a ton.
  • I hate my current wordpress theme.  Loved it, now hate it.  Looks like a 1988 portfolio that a sad unemployed business man carried around.
  • Will my 17 readers recognize me if I change it?!?! <—–Recognizes this is insanity.
  • Short timer’s disease – It is a disease and I have caught it at work.  I can’t wait to get the fuck out.  So much so, I spend as little time at my desk as possible.  I have work herpes.
  • Why do cleaning product commercials only show women cleaning?
carb

I love your bracelet…

  • How will those three women kept captive in Cleveland ever feel normal again?
  • How is there that much evil in the world, in ONE person?
  • How do I protect my kids from that kind of evil?  That goes beyond stranger danger.
  • Am I going to weigh 341 lbs from not working and eating, cooking, baking, constantly?
  • Pinterest – The abyss of awesomeness
  • Pinterest – Making women feel sub-par since late 2011.
  • Holy shit I quit my job.  While already covered I am still freaking out.
bebe

Baby + Beer + Meme = damned funny.

  • Year End Teachers gifts, is this necessary?  If it isn’t, why do I feel like shit when I don’t give or forget to give.
  • Year End Teacher’s gifts, I forgot last year, is this why my kids got cruddy-ish teachers this year?
  • Why am I not writing right now?
  • Why aren’t I doing laundry right now?
  • Why am I not making lunches right now?
  • Why am I not making an actual decent readable blog right now?

Ok, I think you get it.  That was like four minutes of my mind.

I like to call it Blomit – Blog Vomit

It isn’t pretty and I am pretty sure it is nonsense, but it is me.

I swear I will have a cohesive post next.  Promisimo.  Like pinky swear.

Ughhhh.

As Always,

Woman on Pause