What I Do

I have been a stay at home mom now for about a year and four months.

I was a single working mother for 6 years.  I did it all.  I commuted, worked 40+ hours, was a single mom, and for a portion of that time attended school.  I resented the hell out of stay at home mom’s during this time.  I can admit it.  I was so jealous of anyone who could bypass the time constraints put on working folk.  Maybe more jealous than resentful but maybe a mix of both.  I felt so helpless and worn out most of the time I just assumed that a married mom staying at home has it easier.

That is true.

It is easier.  But it isn’t easy.  That part I wasn’t prepared for.  It is funny how the grass is greener effect takes hold when you feel that anything but what you are doing must be easier.

But I have come to realize, I bust my ass.  It may not be in the way that some see as difficult, but to me it is challenging.

SAHM

This was my schedule yesterday.

5:20am – Wake up and make breakfast for my husband and make sure he has what he needs for a grueling 12 hour day in a factory. Feed and water both cats so they stop screaming the song of their people at me.
6:00am – Wake up my 9 year old and get him breakfast, make sure his backpack is good, etc.
6:45am – Walk him to the bus stop.  Get completely eaten by mosquitoes.
7:00am – Wake up my 12 year old.  Repeat above process but with added bonus eye rolls.
7:30am – Make grocery list, coupon, coupon, coupon COUPON
7:40am – Start laundry
7:50am – Clean kitchen start dishwasher
8:00am – Leave to go grocery shopping. (Which is glorious to do alone btw)
9:45am – Come home and put up trunk full of groceries.  Drop at least one bunch of bananas, crush the bread, and dent 2.5 cans.
10:00am – Clean out refrigerator. Try not to hurl.
10:30am – Start another load of laundry.  WHERE DOES IT ALL COME FROM?!?!?
11:00am – Put up first load of laundry.
11:05am – Make note to threaten all video games if the boys don’t stop using 45 towels a week.
11:15am – Make the bed, pick up clothes, straighten bathroom.  Spend 15 minutes looking for toothpaste cap. Which I found in the medicine cabinet on top of the Visine???
11:30am – Have I eaten yet?!?!?  Fiber One bar and slice of imitation cheese to the rescue. Awesome has a diet.  This is it.
12:00pm – Put up 2nd load of laundry
12:15pm – Start 3rd load of laundry.  Remind self to threaten boys with ALL.THE.THINGS about towel use.  What are they doing with them all????
1:00pm – Put up dishes and clean the kitchen.
1:20pm – Dusted entire house.  Which means push cat hair from one area to another.  I call it “reorganizing”
1:30pm – Made the bed.
1:45pm – Played with my cat.
2:00pm – Yogurt break while making sweet tea.
2:45pm – 9 year old walks in time for an hour of homework help, checking, organizing, signing papers, reviewing 12 leaflets brought home. Hear a 25 minute diatribe about how the kid in front of him in lunch had something I didn’t get at the grocery store but would be great if I kept it in mind for my next trip (which is inevitably in 2 days)
3:00pm – Start dinner.
4:00pm – 12 year old walks in from school, repeat 60 minutes of homework, organizing, checking, following up. Try not to curse the creator of Common Core to hellfire and damnation.
4:20pm – Desperately try and cool dinner to put in the fridge to eat after football practice.
5:00pm – Leave for 9 year old football practice.  Spend 3 hours sweating and being invaded by bugs trying not to yell when he feigns injury to take a water break (22 times).
8:00pm – Break out dinner and try to arrange it so it doesn’t taste like reheated crap.
8:15pm – “Can I have seconds?”  “Can I have more biscuits?” “Are we out of honey??” “Can I have dessert??”
8:17pm – Pull back my hair as not to pull it out and traumatize impressionable children.
8:30pm – Put 9 year old to bed after reading and prayers.
8:32pm – Ask12 year old to clean the kitchen before I set it on fire just to not look at another dirty dish.
8:37pm – TELL 12 year old to get on cleaning the kitchen
8:45pm – BEG 12 year old to just FINISH already.  (Try not to think that had I done it myself it would be done.)
8:46pm – Hear from my 12 year old how EVERYONE has a girlfriend in school and he has decided it is TIME for him to get one too.  Spend 25 minutes explaining that it will come in good time.  And he doesn’t want to push something that isn’t going to happen on its own.  (And not be the kid who makes up a girlfriend like his friend down the road.  No one wants to be “That guy.”)
9:00pm – Start meal preparation for husbands meals he takes to work. (Separate as he is on a no carb thing)
9:15pm – Get 12 year old to bed, remind him for the 8,544th time that there are no video games during the week and please stop asking.
9:30pm – WINE
9:40pm – Catch up with my Husband.
9:41pm – Try not to bitch about my day because he works 12 hours a day doing manual labor in a factory.  My argument is invalid.
—-That being said, he listens when I can’t help it and tells me it sounded like a crap day and he totally understands.  He is the junk.  If I haven’t mentioned it already.
10:45pm – Shower
11:0zzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Not every day is like this.  But on average 4 out of 7 are like this.  The other days are more like this…

Pretty

And while this will sound strange, I never ever get a day off.  Never.  Literally not one 24 hour period where I wasn’t tending to someone since my hip surgery in April. That being said, I think it is a good trade.  Trying to work and do all of this I might get a day here and there, but it is totally worth it.  🙂

This journey of staying at home has been very enlightening for me.  I take what I do seriously.  Whether it is a multi million dollar account at work, college, or just taking care of my family.  I work and I work hard.

And come to find out, hard work is hard work.  No matter where you are doing it.

Viva la SAHM!

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/0f/32/02/0f320261967e7cb9b45a737eb989fc04.jpg.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3rzfaOqD3oI/UTI8evuJSWI/AAAAAAAANYU/9kCyqMUSJSE/s1600/a74ac2be035dd0103362a1f49094d39f.jpg.

Checkbooks, Glass, and Staples OH MY!

This is another one of those posts that I am just word vomiting all over the place to purge. Proceed with caution.

 

I have told my husband for the last 10 days it feels as if the Universe is poking me with a stick.

 

 photo poke.gif

 

I am not doing anything wrong to get the karma train to run me over. I am still doing normal stuff but the stuff coming back at me is very very icky.

First example. I tried to start our checkbook register. Wait, I know. You don’t have to tell me. We should have had this years ago. I know this. I was flat out phobic from doing it myself for years but we decided to give it a go. It is extraordinarily difficult to start a checkbook without knowing what your beginning balance is. But I did it.

Needless to say I was off by $120.00 and that blows hard. It feels like I lost it.  As if it were in my pocket and I dropped it in the Target parking lot.   I also know that I won’t TRULY know if I am on point until our statement comes out.  **Fingers Crossed**

*Sigh*

 

Then this happened.

NOOOOOOO

This is the glass piece to my french press.  I don’t own a coffee machine or a kuerig or what ever it is called.  I like my french press.  Now it is kaput.  And that gives me the sads.  Because I love coffee.  I really, really, love coffee.  So I ended up googling how to make it without a coffee maker.  And it was odd to say the least.  But it worked (OK I suppose) but I am still in mourning.

RIP – Giver of warm “Get up and get em” juice.

Then… Oh then….

My kids who are 12 and 9 love to play in our neighborhood.  They stay on this street and it is filled with kids.  So, they were quite bored the other day and I allowed them to go out for an hour or two.  They check in and I realize I still need to cook, so I say, “Go on out for another hour but in at 7:30pm for dinner.”

Ten minutes later my 12 year old runs in.  B is bleeding!!!  Now my 9 year old has scrapes all the time so I wasn’t concerned too much.  Until I hit the driveway and he says the following:

“He got hit in the head with a bat.”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT??????!?!?!?!”

I almost passed out.

 photo Hale.gif

 

I gather up the side of my skirt, kick off my shoes and run like I am being chased.  My athletic 12 year old couldn’t catch me.  I then see my 9 year old on all fours blood all over his face.  (And I MEAN ALL OVER IT.  Totally red.  Not a stream.  A RIVER of blood.)  And a pool of it on the concrete.
*I should note here when one sees their child like this they loose at LEAST 3 years off their life.  AT LEAST.

I proceed to look at the mom who had a towel on his head next to him as to say, “Is it as bad as it looks???”  She gives me a response look and shoulder shrug that unfortunately at this juncture she isn’t totally sure.

Oh Dear God.

I have her remove the towel an there is just blood everywhere.  I see the gash about an inch in the back crown part of the head.  I ask how many fingers am I holding up, etc. etc.  He gets it and seems coherent.  I ask if he lost consciousness.  She tells me no.  I scoop him up and off to the ER we go.

I drive fast and run lights.  I can’t breathe but trying to smile so neither child starts to freak out.

He is fine.  2 staples.  It was much more superficial than it seemed.  The blood made it look much worse.  No concussion he is gravy.

But damn.  I had a literal adrenaline headache for 3 hours after we got back.  It hurt.

 

There is a laundry list of things that have taken a turn like this.  It seems to just keep happening.  Every other day or so.

Poke

Poke

Poke

I don’t know if Mercury is in retrograde or if I lost some sort of karmic lottery I didn’t know I entered or what the deal is.

But I am just going to put my head down and try and push past this icky cosmic goo and hope it is just temporary.

Because one of these days I am going to poke back.  And Lord help anyone if it comes to that.

😉

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:
http://media2.giphy.com/media/MuyiRP751nq2A/giphy.gif.
http://media1.giphy.com/media/XeMp0onMZQZgY/giphy.gif.

Query – Friday Fictioneers

Hello Everyone!  I have for you my submission for Friday Fictioneers.  It seems that Rochelle Wisoff-Fields has taken some time off and is returning to old prompts.  Lucky for me, I am still new and can submit a fresh one.

The goal is to write 100 word flash fiction based off of this photo:

Image
Photo Prompt – Copyright Madison Woods

 

Query

“What’s in a tree?” he asked.
”Is this like the question, what’s in a name?” she replied.

“No. What’s in a tree?”
It was getting harder to hide her frustration. These riddles and games were cute at first, but ten years in, she had grown weary.

“Well, let’s see. Bark, leaves, they produce carbon dioxide or something. They give life. That’s what’s in a tree.” She felt satisfied navigating his silly riddle.

He grinned, “No. It’s your underwear.” He pointed up to where he had flung her panties the night before.

While his riddles were tiresome, their sex life was not.

 

Word Count 101

 

I hope you guys enjoyed!!  You can find other submissions here. InLinkz

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

16 Thoughts You Have While Drinking Tequila

I saw this video, because I can’t seem to pass up click bait, and I thought it was the perfect representation of the stages we all go through while taking tequila shots.

 

When Tequila is Presented whilst engaging in beers with friends.

    1. Oh, what is this?  Tequila.  Well… Sure. Why not.
    2. OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?!?!
    3. Is my mouth and throat on actual Fire?
    4. Inevitable tequila shake as the body absorbs the toxins.

 photo shiver-long-o.gif

    1. That was HORRIBLE.
    2. This is why beer is the chaser.  Chase that Jet Fuel taste out of my mouth
    3. Wait, another one?
    4. But the first one…
    5. *Sigh* Sure why the hell not.  One more.

 photo niccage.gif

      1. OH DEAR GOD WHY??
      2. The burn isn’t so much napalm this time as warm camp fire.
      3. Is it hot in here?
      4. Smaller tequila tremor.  4.0 on the Cuevo Richter Scale.
      5. That wasn’t too bad.
      6. I may be sweating.
      7. Wait, wasn’t the last shot like 5 minutes ago?
      8. Another??
      9. Just one more.
      10. Wait.
      11. That wasn’t so bad.
      12. I feel like I am a walking warm blanket.  So cozy.
      13. No, I don’t have lime in my teeth and salt in my hair.
      14. That Sir was an insult and we must now partake in fisticuffs.

 photo Fisticuffs.gif

15. Black Hole of Unconsciousness

16.   HANGOVER.

 

The End.

Please keep these thoughts in mind while watching the video.  I swear it is the same.damned.thing.  Well, from 11 on that is more  “My experience.”   But you get the point.

PS.  Gunga Din FTW.

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:
http://homeschoolersanonymous.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/niccage.gif?w=470.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/4230676/shiver-long-o.gif.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/9def05840d2ebb8ee8d83f8452d5ec40/tumblr_mzgcdpmXXT1sr1ki0o1_500.gif.

Friday Fictioneers – Going Back

Hello everyone!  This is my submission for this week’s Friday Fictioneers.  This exercise is brought to you by Rochelle Wisoff – Fields – Addicted to Purple.  The idea is to write a 100 word flash fiction based on a photo prompt.

The photo prompt for this week is:

wallpaper

Photo Credit: Mary Shipman

 

Going Back

In a good neighborhood gone bad the house remains. White clapboard that was cheerful is now tattered and neglected. It used to smell of honeysuckle and fresh baked biscuits. Now it reeks of poverty and three dollar wine. The once delightful wildflower wallpaper ripped and smudged with grime. This home reminds her equally of pleasure and pain. A childhood ruined in one summer. She lights the match and enjoys the burn. Maybe in the ashes she can find herself. The woman she might have been had she never seen this place or the neighbor who was never her “friend.”

99 words.

 
You can find other Friday Fictioneers here.
InLinkz

 

I hope everyone enjoyed this and all criticism is welcome, but hopefully just the constructive kind.  🙂

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

Brain Soup

This is my brain right now.
 photo brain.gif

While this may seem a bit extreme it is kind of true.  (And truth be told I have loved this gif since the beginning of time and use it as often as possible.)

I am trying to negotiate with said brain on how to get back on track.  I spent the last two months doing nothing and it made me feel icky.

I am the kind of person who can’t sit still for more than fifteen minutes.  Two months kinda messed with my brain a bit.

So I did all the things.  And as my last post stated, it is still too soon to do all the things.  I have to find a happy medium.

So I am going back to writing.  I can’t sit for long periods of time either (hip not ADHD) but I have to start to do SOMETHING.

I was texting with a friend about trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and upcoming classes I will be taking and I mentioned I didn’t feel passionate about much of anything right now.

And she said, “You do about writing.  And you are good at it.”

I don’t know about the end part, but it reignited a flame that I had blown out about a month before surgery.

So I am committing.  And making that choice has made me now feel like this.

Mighty_mouse_small

 

And that is a good thing.

More to come…

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

Photo Credit:  http://i1098.photobucket.com/albums/g373/paxpinnae/COMEDY-2.gif.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_k9mUv3KvFh0/SDOxoRPDSnI/AAAAAAAAAl8/n_gWqldPyRY/s320/Mighty_mouse_small.jpg.

 

 

A Bit too Eager.

Last Tuesday I hung up my crutches.  Literally.  I felt really good!  I am still in physical therapy but very hopeful.

Then…

Since last Tuesday I have cleaned my ENTIRE house, gone grocery shopping, visited my family, gone to Target, cooked dinner, etc. etc.  Around 9:00 last night my leg whispered, “Hey you.  Remember me?  I am not ready for all of this Tom Foolery and Shenanigans.  SIT DOWN.”

Lots of pain.  So, I sat.  For about 2 hours.  Then I tried to get up, and then my hip said, a bit louder, “Nooo.  SIT DOWN fool woman.  Couldn’t put pressure on it at all.

*Sigh*

So I am sitting.  It is better this morning but I have had a not so gentle reminder that I am not yet 100%.  Which is cool, I kept thinking that 9 weeks was enough time to be recovered fully.

Not so much.

So, I am going to dial it back down from 11 to 5 and sit down.

Image

 

Because you know, 11 is louder than 10.  😉

 


As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:  http://tribeboost.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/eleven-dial.jpg.

 

Simple Pleasures

I can be whiny.  I know this.  I actively try not to be though.  Being on crutches this long (Day 51 out of 60) I have tried excruciatingly hard not to harp on about it to my family and friends.  But in the back of my mind it is as aggravating as one would imagine. I take these things with me everywhere.  Bathroom, stores, kitchen, bed, to get a drink of water, to call for my kids outside.  All day.  Every day.

That all being said, Papa took the boys today to run an errand that opened up about 4 hours for me today.  Four hours of glorious alone time.  By the time he picked them up it was 11:30 am and I hadn’t eaten.  I had nothing but two large cups of coffee on my stomach and was starting to feel a bit weak.  But if I ate another sandwich, standing over my sink, I was going to go insane.

INSANE.

I had to go to the convenience store anyway so I figured, begrudgingly so, that I should stop for something to eat.  At a drive-thru I wouldn’t have to get out of the car.  I really didn’t want fast food.  I wanted something light and yummy.  But where I live, there are no drive-thru’s with this magical combination of food.  So I decided on a Wendy’s chicken sandwich.  One thing I don’t hate eating that is fast food.

But as I was turning out of my neighborhood I remembered there is this place.  This wonderful place one town over, about 15 minutes away that serves the best chicken sandwich in the County.  Nay I say, the STATE.  I can’t lie about how damned good this thing is.  I immediately changed my turn signal and off I went.

By the time I had arrived at this place, I was starting to feel a bit woozy from lack of food.  It is on the end of a strip mall so I wove my way and drove into line.  As I am half way to the window I realize, where was the place for me to order?  Had I passed it??  I don’t come here often, but maybe there isn’t one??  It is a mom and pop place so maybe not.

As I finally arrive she immediately gives me a total.  I blush and say, “I am so sorry, I didn’t order. I just want one chicken sandwich.”

I had to wait longer, as did all those behind me.  Which I felt horrible about but then she handed me the unassuming white bag.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked.

I refused to wait 15 minutes for this wonderful thing to get cold and die.

I opened it up and ate it right there.  People walking past my car left and right.  I literally didn’t care.

It was almost orgasmic.

I ate way too much and as I type this I feel slightly ill.  But I don’t care.  It was so completely worth it.

Today I treated myself.  And I needed it.

I managed to get a quick photo before I devoured it.  Actually if you look really hard, there is a large bite taken out of the right side.

Image

Here’s to hoping you treat yourself today too.  You deserve it.

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

Friday Fictioneers – University Daze

Hello everyone!  Welcome to my submission for this week’s Friday Fictioneers.  Brought to you by,

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

The purpose of this exercise is to write a fiction story 100 words based off of a photo prompt.

Image
Photo Prompt – Copyright –Jennifer Pendergast

InLinkz link HERE

 

University Daze

As she walked the grand courtyard of the University she smiled, imagining days of books and classes. She dreamed of evenings giggling with girlfriends. The ability to study along side the brightest of minds. She could almost feel midnight kisses from beaus left sweetly on her cheek.

She entered the hall and as she picked up her mop the handle brushed her growing belly. She caressed her womb and sweetly whispered, “All can be yours sweet girl.”

 

78 words

I hope everyone enjoyed my submission and kind but helpful criticism is always welcome.

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

One Year at Home – From Desk to Domesticity

This week marks the one year anniversary of me leaving my job/career to stay at home.  I can’t believe it has been a year.  I thought time flew by fast before because the nature of my job is time structured.  First of the month there were certain tasks as were the 15th then month end.

Nope.

Time just goes by really fast regardless.

I needed this time away from my job.  For several reasons. I never really took a vacation.  Maybe two in 15 years.  I craved knowing what not working felt like.  I never had that feeling in my adult life.

Ever.

I needed to know that I like to work. When you have always worked and are expected to work you start to wonder if it is even something you want to do.  Whether it is working or the career you have chose.

Believe it or not.  I do like to work.  I have a renewed sense of purpose and look forward to getting back to school to finish my degree.

(Note.  I do not look forward to GOING to school.  I hate school.  But it has to be done.)

Things I miss:

  • Interaction with adults.  Adult conversation.  Inappropriate humor.
  • Mocha Lattes
  • Feeling accomplished
  • Comradeship
  • Feeling I contribute financially <—-  This is a big one.  More so than I thought it would be.

Things I don’t miss:

  • Commuting
  • Office politics. (What did that bitch say to my boss???  Oh hell no….)
  • Work stress
  • Missing out on time with my kids/class visits/holiday parties/award ceremonies/ etc.

There have been highs and lows to this major change in my life.  But more highs than lows.  I always wondered if I would be the kind of person to want to stay at home.  I am not.  I will enjoy it now, but am eager to get back to it.

Which hopefully will be by the end of Summer.  While I loathe the thought of taking classes again I know it is just a step towards building my career and having professional satisfaction.

That being said, how employers will view my employment gap is the scariest part of all of this.

I hear that is a big no-no.

Whoops!

The journey continues…

 

As Always,

 

Woman on Pause