Shifty

I am trying to be a better person.  Not for anyone, just for me.  This is something that has rooted up the last few years.  A nagging that I can be better.  And I should be better.  That improving who I am, will directly affect everyone around me in a positive manner.

I have been reading, “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson.

subtle

This is one book I wish I had bought a physical copy of instead of an audio book.  It has such wonderful gems in it I want to be able to go back to them and remind myself why I am changing, why it sucks to change, but why to keep with it.

It has quotes like this gem,
“Decision-making based on emotional intuition, without the aid of reason to keep it in line, pretty much always sucks. You know who bases their entire lives on their emotions? Three-year-old kids. And dogs. You know what else three-year-olds and dogs do? Shit on the carpet.”

And
“Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance. Seriously,”

It is one of those books that you hope will always stay with you.  It helps with a paradigm shift.  I need paradigm shifts.  I need a lot of them and in high doses.

Paradigm shifts are the things that help me hit my reset button.  The button that is BEGGING to be pushed, screaming out, PUHLEEEZE Sarah, HIT ME!  But I all hear is, “Worry, anxiety, complaining, pettiness, complacency” But that is the button talking.  It is manifesting itself in the above ways.  It takes me forever to figure out that all that worry and head clogging nonsense needs to be shook up and looked at in a different way.  A healthier way.  A Better way.

This book has helped a lot in that pursuit.

So in the meantime, I will be shaking things up on the path to Self Awareness. No matter how long and scary that path may be.

As always,

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:   I tried to credit this photo.  When I paste the link the photo pops up.  So, hopefully if you click that photo it will pop up where I copied this pic. Weird…

Gut Check – 2016 Edition

A friend of mine did a great year in review, and I had already been tossing around the notion of doing one myself.

So here it is.

2016 – A Year in Review

It has been one helluva year.  Amirite?  I could get into all the political things.  But we all know how that one played out.  We are currently in the prequel to “Idiocracy” the movie. If you haven’t seen it, check it out.  The resemblance is unsettling.

trump

Am I worried about an over-sized Cheeto, an egomaniac dipwad being our president?  Of course I am.  Honestly, I don’t think Hillary would do much better, but this will be something to watch that’s for sure.

*Gets Popcorn & Prays*

He has definitely cornered the meme game.

toupee

 

That’s enough of that.  Oh wait, we have 4 more years.

God save us all.

Outside of that, I watched a toddler transform overnight into a grown man.  My son.  I love him with all of my heart but he is knee deep in teenagerdom.  I am currently embarrassing, stupid, too loud, crazy, embarrassing, clingy, overbearing and did I mention embarrassing?  This was the year when he literally started to look like a grown up. It is an amazing thing to witness.  It also makes me cry a little.  But this is part of what I signed up for.

collage

It should be noted these pictures are two and a half years apart.  The top photos are Easter 2014.  It is now Christmas 2016.  He is 6′ tall with a size 13 shoe.  In the top picture I am taller.  I am 5’6″ In 2.5 years he has grown 6 inches.  Mostly in the last 6 months.

I knew it was coming.  I was told.  But nothing could prepare me to realize that I have a man at my breakfast table.  Eating lucky charms.

I am also celebrating my 6th year of marriage.  Next year is 7 years. I have never been in a relationship this long.  We have been though so much and while marriage is not easy, I know that I am married to my best friend.  Do we argue? Yes.  Often? No.  We have our differences and we go through life’s hurdles like everyone else?  Of course.  Being married is easy.  Staying married is hard.  It is sacrifice and compromise.  It is tolerance and forgiveness.  It is love with frustration and patience with gratitude. At the end of the day I wouldn’t want to go through this crazy journey with anyone else.


#TeamCason

So many wonderful things have happened this year.  My Stephen not only joined the Navy but also got engaged to his Love Nicolette.  I am so proud of the man he is becoming right before my eyes. He was 13 when I first met him and he has become such an amazing man.  I almost typed young man, but that isn’t the case anymore.

He is 20.

*Sigh.

Also, Jillian has proven to be a force to be reckoned with.  She is amazing. She works, she starts Art Clubs, and Drama Clubs, she has all AP Classes, she is applying to college, and she still works on her art portfolio while baking up the yummiest things.  She is kicking ass and taking names.  I couldn’t be prouder.

j

And last but not ever least, Brett.  Brett has thrived in Middle School and is going out for the Track team.  He has straight A’s this semester and is growing into a handsome young man. Seriously, he is one good lookin kid.

b

My life is chaotic.  I work part time, I am staring a business, which by the way I am SO FRIGGIN EXCITED about.  More on that to come.

I am a mom, I am a wife, I am many things all day long.  I try and keep everyone happy and sane.  That’s my job.  Being able to write and explore my passions makes things crazier, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

At the end of the day, at the end of 2016, I am grateful.  Stressed, but grateful.  Thankful to have a hand in these kids lives. Thankful to have the opportunity to make sure their needs are met.  Thankful to watch them grow and thrive.  While also exploring my new ventures.

I hope that 2016, while insane, found you in Peace.  I hope you are going forward and not reflecting backwards.  I hope that for all of you, you have what I have.

Love.

That’s what makes the world go round.

 

 

As Always & Until 2017,

 

Woman on Pause

 

 

 

Photo Credits (In Order):
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/990/005/721.jpg.
http://15858-presscdn-0-65.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/1-donald-trump-meme-get-in-pussy-making-america-great-again1.jpg..

 

F*king Focus

You know how you are walking through life, and things get tangled.  It doesn’t necessarily happen in one moment.  It is many many moments building up, until one day you sit down and realize that you are focusing on all the wrong things.  Somehow in the hum drum of daily life you have ever so slightly steered yourself in the wrong direction.

Similar to how you are driving to work, and you are jammin to that song that you love, or reallllly into the new audio book you have been dying to finish, and you look up and you are in your parking spot.  How in the hell did I get here?  I literally don’t remember driving here the last 15 minutes of the trip.

It is similar to that.  Gliding along in life, every now and again barely leaning towards the right.  So subtle.  You never even notice.  Until you wake up one day and realize you are completely off track.

That’s where I am today.  Off track. Focusing my energy and my time and my life on things that just don’t deserve this much of my time.

So.  I am working on keeping focused on the things that matter.  Starting this new business is something that matters to me.  Nurturing my marriage is important to me.  Spending time with my kids is super important to me.

I figure since my last post had 5 views, this boring blog to all tens of my followers isn’t too bad.

It is a benchmark for me.  A reminder.

Focus.

 

As always,

 

Woman on Pause

 

So Many Balls

Again with the dirty minds…

I feel as if I have 4,822 balls in the air.

 

I have my normal part time job, I am starting a business with a friend, I am trying to write again, Christmas, Kids, Grocery Shopping, Flat tire, Fractured Rib…

I’m going to stop right there.

Let me explain.  I went to the doctor yesterday for this horrible pain in my side.  After my evaluation, she said I have either a separated muscle in my rib cage, or a fractured rib. When my PA asked how this could happen, I explained that a couple of weeks back, there was an entire week that I woke up coughing. Coughing and hacking as if I was trying to regurgitate Satan himself from my lungs. And one morning I felt a *pop.*  She looked me in the eye and said, “You’re going to need to come up with a better story than that.  That is the most boring way I have ever heard to break a rib.”

We decided that I am going to stick with either;  I was running into a burning building to save the elderly and some puppies and in my sheer determination to save lives I managed to break a rib.  Or she said, just blame it on a bar fight.  Anything but your boring cough.

She laughed, I laughed, then I screamed bloody murder with pain from the hot molten knife that was twisting in my side.

 

Good times.

Today is better.  But not great.  I still went to work, I still did laundry, I still cleaned up and I will still do all the things.  But I will not be doing anything strenuous in nature for the next two weeks.  So the bungee jumping extravaganza clearly needs to be rescheduled.

Bummer.

I am still hanging in there.

2016, you won’t take me alive!

As Always,
Woman on Pause

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gif Credit: https://33.media.tumblr.com/17f4dd5253033ab8e551147f47a3f7f0/tumblr_mucmrbGaiY1shxe70o1_500.gif.

https://media.giphy.com/media/nxOaaHzTdDVSg/giphy.gif.

Why is it so hard?

Get your mind out of the gutter.  I just FINALLY figured out how to get my wordpress back. I have a hard time with this every year.  I think THINK I got “Womanonpause.me” back, but it is still booting up.  I am so relieved to finally be able to post.

More to come.

As Always,
Woman On Pause

Suspended – Friday Fictioneers

suspended

She had heard of Red Coat cruelty but this was nonsense.

Insanity.

Why not just burn our barn down she thought?  Why must we watch all of our things dangle above us out of reach?

They were small men, petty men.  Smaller in size than she had imagined.  With big words and bigger weapons and tools.  She knew war could be heartless, but she hadn’t anticipated this.  Davis has been gone now for three days looking for anyone with a ladder.  Or something to fashion one.

Maybe this is how they lured the men away…

————————————————————————–

 

This is my submission for Friday Fictioneers.  Brought to you by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  Photo Credit:  The idea is to fashion a story that has a beginning, middle, and end and within 100 words.  The genre was historical fiction.

All criticism welcome.  Just keep it constructive please.  🙂

You can read more Here.

 

As Always,

Woman on Pause

 

 

Inky- Friday Fictioneers

“I still don’t get it.”  He murmured as they walked back to the car.  

“What exactly don’t you get?” She huffed out of desperation at this point.

Why in the world would you get a barbed wire tattoo around your bicep?  I don’t understand why you would put such an outdated tattoo onto your body.  Forever!  He continued, “I mean, what about a tribal??  Or how about a Mushroom or a peace sign?”  At this point he was flat out mocking her.  

She replied, if you don’t get it, then we are through!  

He pleaded,“But Barbara…”

———————————————————————-
96 Words

barb

This is my flash fiction submission for this Weeks Friday Fictioneers presented byRochelle Wisoff-Fields.  The idea is to write a story at or under 100 words based of of the photo prompt.  Photo courtesy of @Madison Woods

This story is 96 words.  I always welcome constructive criticism.

You can find this and other stories this week Here.

As Always,

Woman On Pause

 

 

 

 

IRS Hangover

Part 1.- Kinda…

Recap, click above.

We were assigned a “Taxpayer Advocate” and were told that we did check one box on the “New HealthCare Credit” box incorrectly.  Which is fine.  Except it cut our return in half.  But that is fine too.

So, why did it take one woman, our Taxpayer Advocate, 4.6 minutes to figure this out but the IRS itself has had 118 days (and counting) and STILL isn’t sure what’s going on.

Whatever. It’s better than, “Well maam, you have to wait 6 weeks for us to not respond. Then send a letter saying we didn’t respond.  Then we have 9 weeks to review your letter and then respond.”

Wha….

Bite me.

IRS

So in light of all of this and some other sticky messy life things going on, I have decided to focus on my health.  (I really wish you could all see the look on my face as I eat this apple while typing.)

It is a snarl.  An actual snarl.

I have quit smoking, walked 2 miles this morning before 9am, and am going to stop filling my face hole with twinkie type products and buckets full of pasta.  I am currently marinating chicken boobies to grill up later and put over a salad. Yep, if I’m getting healthy, I’m taking the entire family with me.

I don’t have a weight goal per se.

I am trying to fix the problem area I can only describe as, “Chantix is killing my sleep so I am comfort eating while consuming massive amounts of caffeine and I feel like a 10 day old vat of unchanged grease at the Captain D’s.”

It’s like the Paleo diet but with less bragging.

Kale

So to recap:
No cigarettes
No junk food
No Sleep
No IRS Return

Wish me luck.

Or just wish I don’t murder someone (With my biting wit.) Yeah, that’s what I meant.

 

As Always,

Woman on Pause

 

 

Photo Credits
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMy1iY2FhYWM1ZTBkYmM1MDQz.png.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/73/f3/c4/73f3c4becea9c908c6eb9e5674561bc5.jpg.

 

Saving the Day – Friday Fictioneers

Hello everyone!  Find below my submission for this week’s Friday Fictioneers. (Nov14)  Brought to you by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  The idea is simple.  Take the photo prompt and a complete 100 word story.  Today’s picture is brought to you by our gracious host.

Hollywood

Saving the Day

“Those are Palm Trees.” She said smiling.

He looked at the palm of his chubby hand and she could tell he was confused.

“Not the palm of your hand Scotty, just the name of the tree. A coincidence.”

He didn’t seem completely convinced, but instead looked upward again and his cape pooled behind him on the concrete. She knew bringing him to meet Batman would be overwhelming, but time was ticking so fast now. As they walked through the crowds, she heard his little voice scream, “It’s the Joker Mom! I can save the day!”

“Yes you can love. Yes, you can.”

– 102 Words

This story and many others can also be viewed here.

All criticism welcome.  I just hope it is the helpful kind!!  Thanks for reading!

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Funky Monkey

Well HELLO!

I have to apologize, mostly to myself, but to the 10’s of readers I have out there.  I went through a bit of a funk the last month or so.  It has been a weird time.  Nothing BAD has happened per se, but things started to overwhelm me a bit. When that happens I find twenty shows on Netflix, wrap up on the couch and do the bare minimum.  It is the best way to try and get out of my own head.  At least that is what I think at the time.  I was also sick for a couple of weeks and that had me run down as well.

Part of me doesn’t know if going inward actually helps or I just need time to break back out of my shell.  When I get like that I crank procrastination up to 11.  Again, it is just the way I have always dealt with conflict and doubt.  Hunker down.

Kind of like this.
Hunker
“Hunkerdown” at its finest.
(Not me by the way but seemed to fit how I felt on the couch covered in blankets like I am 12 and building a fort of solitude.)
((And what in the world does that blanket smell like that has her so freaked out!?!?))

I digress.

We wrapped up football for my 9 year old on Saturday and my 12 year old had a double header today.  And as I was sitting there in the sun, the sky was so perfectly blue and the grass was bright green, and it was a gorgeous day.  I realized I had been hunkering and decided I was done with that.

I actually thought, if I could spend my days like this I would never want to watch Netflix on the couch again.  This may also be a product of Stay at Home Mom induced Cabin fever.  It’s a real thing.  The struggle is real y’all.  And I know that anyone who works wants to bash my head in for saying that is a problem, oh well.  It is one I have at the moment.

But I have decided to make better use of my time and get off the couch.  So, hopefully you will be hearing quite a bit more from me soon.

Miss my WP people and hope all of you are well!

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credit: http://thechronicleherald.ca/sites/default/files/imagecache/ch_article_main_image/articles/girl2.jpg.