One Day to go. AAAAAAAAAAAAACk.

I am sure my vast array of tens of readers are getting tired of the build up.

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Ho damned hum…………..

I swear there is a reason for it.  I have to keep this info confidential until it goes down. Which will be around 8:30 – 9:00am tomorrow EST.

I’m coming out.  Not like that, but it will make more sense soon.  Try to get that song out of your head now.  PDiddy or Dianna Ross version choose your poison.

D-Ross doing it OG style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-mjl63e0ms

This one is for us who appreciate a good sampling

Puff and Biggie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ4tNmnuMgQ

Back story alert.

My name is Sarah. *HI!!!!!! Waves wildly*

I have a husband, which I refer to fondly as “Hubs.”  We have been married for three years.  We re-connected as childhood sweethearts thanks to the almighty FB.  I have two kids, and two step kids who live three hours away.  I have been in Finance for twelve years and working in an office environment for the last eighteen years.  I started work the Monday after graduation.  I have my AA in Accounting and am working on my Bachelors.

This info is relevant.

But understandably boring.  SO.  After tomorrow’s announcement this will make a bit more sense.  Until then, let’s comb the internet for some interesting nuggets.  Shall we?

Current Events time kids!
Criss Cross Applesauce and let’s see what’s happening around the world. 

A fluff piece to start.
What in the hell is going on with Amanda Bynes?  I wasn’t young enough to enjoy her stint on Nickelodeon, but have seen and enjoyed her in several movies.  It seems she has lost her mind and the media is feeding on it like a lemur with a broken leg.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2316402/Amanda-Bynes-shares-bizarre-photographs-new-half-shaven-hair-style.html

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Summary:  This girl is either going all Joaquin Phoenix, or she needs an intervention STAT.  Not necessarily the drug kind but shit is going wrong fast.  I can speak for her what she can’t.  “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllp”

Arrested Development.  Soak it in.  Soak.it.in.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/whitneyjefferson/glorious-photos-of-the-arrested-development-premiere-and-par

This. All.day.long

This. All.day.long

VAGINA. Because this is news.
http://kotaku.com/woman-gets-upset-after-starbucks-writes-vagina-instea-485568240

 Gina to my friends.

In the “Are you Fucking kidding me” file:  Segregation meets GA 2013. SMH
http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/30/living/wilcox-integrated-prom/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

I am from and live in the south.  It may be FL but I spent six years working in GA and I can not believe that
A. This is JUST.NOW.HAPPENING
B. HOW is this just now happening????

I am not ashamed that I am from the South, but the link above gives me a sad.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s big news.  Well< it is big for me.  Not Biggie Smalls big, just big.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

WTF is all this mess?

I may do this from time to time.  Just let everyone know that I see way too much shit in my daily travels.  I have seen some things today that I must share.

Join me will you? I can’t say it will be pretty.

Example #1

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Yeah, I left my Songza username on there. Follow me. My taste in music is eclectic and friggin awesome. You’re welcome.

There are several things wrong with this picture.  First and foremost, what the hell is with that shoe that Nordstrom’s is trying to sell.  My first thought as I was trying to, “Like” Ghetto Superstar on Songza, is I was unaware Goodwill advertised Dirty ASS shoes online.  I swear to God that was what I thought.

Then I clicked and was transported to the land of shoe fuckery.

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$275.00  Totally worth it.  Totes.

These shoes are $275.00  I could buy approximately 102.230 boxes of Mr. Clean Dry erasers to clean this exact shoe.  And any other stubborn household stains. And save the ridicule that comes with wearing this shoe.

Yes, I know it is a man’s shoe, but let’s not get all tangled in the details.

Here’s the link.  In case you all think I got crazy with the photoshops.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/allen-edmonds-banchory-longwing/3404840?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Grey+Leather&resultback=4320

That was the first thing.  Did anyone also notice in the first screen grab the kinda sketch of Zach Galifianakis wearing a man bag, to sell a non man bag in the right bottom corner?  We will have to address that another day.

Example #II

And then there was this.
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My hubs brought these home the other day, and they looked all fancy and “Baked fresh to GO!”  Um no.

These fake wanna be Twinkies are posers.  They kinda taste like them.  But then again they really just damned well don’t.

Oh and Sara Lee please stop trying to convince me that these things would last no later than the stamped on date.  I.Am.Not.Buying.It.

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May 21 2013 huh?  Yeah I don’t think so.  May 21 2031 perhaps.

My final say, don’t bother.  I am sure they were more than twinkies, and obviously if you don’t get them fast they will go bad in a week.  These are not things I am looking for in my snack cake.

There were many other anomalies that I came across today, but I stopped half way through this blog to make the hubs a sandwhich before night shift, played Candy Crush and now I am sleepy.

Any one else see some messed up nonsense lately?

And no, the news doesn’t count.  It is a friggin nightmare in that arena.

As always,

Woman on Pause.

 

 

Photo Credit

Shoes, I linked above.
Nasty ass snack cakes, My own pics.

Former ricin suspect happy with vindication as probe continues

I am sorry, can I just bring attention to the top sentence of this article.
“(CNN) – Did someone try to frame Elvis impersonator Paul Kevin Curtis by sending ricin-tainted letters to President Barack Obama and other officials?” You can’t make this shit up people.

You just can’t.

Sharing is caring,

Woman on Pause

CNN Political Ticker

(CNN) — FBI agents on Wednesday searched the former martial arts studio of a Tupelo man in connection with the investigation into ricin-tainted letters sent to President Barack Obama and other officials, the man’s lawyer, Lori Basham, told CNN.

Agents in hazardous materials suits had searched James Everett Dutschke’s home on Tuesday, the same day prosecutors dropped charges against the man arrested last week on suspicion of sending the letters.

View original post

Candy Crush – The Crack of Game Apps

So Shiny....

So Shiny….

I am not sure if any of you tens of readers play this game they call, “Candy Crush.”  It is a highly addictive game made by a company called “King.”

Check it on out here.  http://about.king.com/games/candy-crush-saga

I feel like a dealer.  I am personally responsible for addicting several friends and family to this game.  I am not sure if “Addicting” is the correct way to put it, but I am leaving it that way because I feel like a bad pusher.  And they play constantly.  Like moi.

“Hey man, you seen this new game?  It is crazy!  Check it out, it is free……. at first.”

It is technically free.  But how they get you is that you can be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO close to winning you can conveniently buy these tools to try and win, or more lives or more moves for that board.

Or you can beg on Facebook for your other addict friends and family to send you some.

I have been there.  It wasn’t pretty.

Mmmm Hmmm

It is the devil.

But I can’t seem to stop.  I am at level 89 and I am hoping that fleshing out the dirty laundry that is this candy coated menace may finally tear me away.

I doubt it.

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Breathing…

So, it is a lot like Bejeweled.  You match the similar one’s to get the effect desired.  Not much more to say about it.  Different goals for different boards.  Looks a bit like this.

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The only reason this game is addictive is because they only give you five turns.  If I was able just to hack away at this game over and over and over I would have burned out a month ago.  But noooooo, they keep you interested by cutting you off.  Sound familiar?

“Hey, check this out!  Fun huh?  Well the first five are free but then I’m gonna have to cut you off.”

As stated above, unless you want to beg your friends.

It isn’t a proud moment, but then you are thrilled to have 450 notifications, which by the way also come to my phone, asking no BEGGING for a life from your family and friends.  Muahaha, I am not the only one!!!

Oh, that’s right.  I brought them all here. I am the Pied Piper of annoying computer games.

Already has a hodgepodge of meme's.

Already has a hodgepodge of meme’s.

Oh well.

I thwarted a grocery cart the other day from careening into a very nice Mazda  so that was my good deed.  Bringing Candy Crush to the masses was my bad deed.  Hopefully they all even out?

No one wants bad karma.  Especially bad gaming karma.
Just sayin.

If I have introduced this to you for the first time and you begin to play, You’re Welcome & I am sorry.  All at the same time.

Enjoy!

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits

Candy Crush Logo:   http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wnCr2VfXTi4/UQFKHXIaa2I/AAAAAAAAAhA/Sik7JGcCsfo/s1600/temp..bzeyhjwg.png

Man beating computer:  http://crypt-1.alchemy.org/GraphicsAnim/computerHeadBashing.gif

Keep Calm Candy Crush:   https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR1rWliSlIfV61gQuJqeWYpUzssRzI8GOJmmcYdGhq8SsLwCXudfQ

Candy Crush Board:       http://stuartreviewsstuff.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/saga.jpg

A Re-Introduction.

Hi.  My name is Sarah. Remember me?  I used to write kick ass blog posts and short stories.  Forever and a damned day ago.  (See below for kick-ass-ness)

I have been gone a while.  A really long while.  At least from this or any blog for that matter. You will be thrilled to know I have been in a remote tropic locale enjoying the warm breeze and relaxing on a beach with a good book and a cocktail.  I even thought to include a picture of my hiatus.

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I know what you are thinking.  How dare that bitch come here and brag about her hiatus, whatever the hell that is.

This was a doodle I did the other day while on the phone.  I have not been on hiatus, vacation, sabbatical, or even been jaunting.  I have been a wife, a mom, and a worker bee.  And I had the largest writers block known to man.  I just couldn’t write.

Anything.

I think I got a case of the scared’s.  Yes Scared-s.  It is a word.  Well, it is my word.

Hell I didn’t even finish the doodle.

But, I am working my way back to my cozy home in my head where all the writing spills out here.  Two blogs. One day. This my friend is a trend.

Granted, these aren’t exactly “Think Pieces” that are going to change how you feel about a current issue we all hold close to our hearts.

Very rarely will this blog do that anyway.  Even on it’s best day.  I like to write & I like to laugh.  I also like to use the Ampersand.

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Why yes, I did get my hair cut! Aren’t you the sweetest for noticing!!

Glad to meet you all again, you nameless faceless readers.  You have been missed.

I leave you today with a self portrait I painstakingly sketched over about a year.  I did it in charcoal and ink.  Enjoy and I will see YOU and yes even you in the back, very very soon.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

P.S.  I know that the events yesterday in Boston are heavily on everyone’s minds, including my own.  I was going to address it, but what more can be said at this point.  I hope that those injured are recovering, justice is served, and that the families who lost are comforted as much as can be expected at this time.

SMH.

Amish man has delusions of Weiner.

I say the title in my head with great sarcasm.  At least regarding this specific Amish man.  I think as in all groups there are bad eggs in the bunch, but this one stuck out like a sore thumb.  A sore thumb from texting or “Sexting” it seems. 

To summarize it seems William R. Yoder, an Amish man from Indiana was arrested for sending lewd pictures and text messages…

The Accused

 

…to a 12-year-old girl. 

It was this paragraph that sealed the decision to share this with you, my 4 readers;

“The suspect arrived, in a one-horse carriage as he said he would, was identified by the undercover officer confirming his identity and was taken into custody without incident,”

Full Article: http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/06/21/indiana.amish.sexting.arrest/index.html?iref=NS1

Of course, the first thing that came to mind when I read the CNN article was the recent scandal involving US Representative Weiner, D-New York.  His scandal was not with an underage girl, thank God.  But he is a member of the House of Representatives, a newlywed, and a what?  Oh that’s right, soon to be father.  He was also caught with his pants down (literally there are pictures) sending inappropriate messages to several women.

A politician, yes.  I can wrap my head around that.

An Amish man.  No, I am having an issue with that. 

The obvious points.  The girl is twelve and that is disgusting and unacceptable.  Period.  But, I thought the Amish didn’t have electronics like cell phones?  I mean, he showed up to hook up with the young girl in a Horse Drawn carriage for the love of shiny buttons. 

Anyway, the article was disturbing and for some reason made me laugh.  Not in a “Oh, how funny” kind of way, but more in a “Well, I guess even the Amish can be douce bags” kind of way.  I am not sure if this is an appropriate response, but it is what it is.

I am so very glad the authorities stepped in before he could act on his unlawful, disgusting plan.  I am glad the parents of the girl found the phone and stopped it in its tracks.  But I still have some questions.

  1. 600 texts between Yoder and the girl.  Why, how, what… My mind blew a fuse on this one.  Why does she have a phone?  How did he get her number?  How did they meet?
  2. Is she Amish?
  3. Do all Amish have cell phones?
  4. What did the police do with his horse?
  5. Why do all the men have the bowl cut?
  6. Where is his beard?

Really there are too many to list. 

I truly hope this rash of sexting crimes will begin to slow down.  Each one I read about creeps me out more than the prior.

And remember if you see this on your phone,

“Hi Im CaLeB, wnt 2 C pics of mah HoRsE?”

Decline…

As Always,

Woman-On-Pause

A Farewell to Facebook

I was reading “The Less than Domestic Goddess” yesterday and her post was about how she realized it had been one year since she quit Facebook.  (http://www.thelessthandomesticgoddess.com/ – I suggest this blog, She is great)

This revelation got me thinking.  What exactly am I getting from Facebook?  I talk to people who are close to me, and honestly if I’m not, I should be.  I shouldn’t rely upon the internet and social media to maintain relationships. 

So, I made the decision to take some time off.  I am going to stay away for a year.  I made all of my photos private, except for the one’s that didn’t include the kids, cleaned up my profile, confirmed my security settings and posted the following quote, “Remember, Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

And I meant it. 

Basically, there is too much of this life to live to be worried about how my ex-boyfriend from High School’s dog is doing since it fell ill.  Or how someone I haven’t seen since grammar school is peeved about the red light in her neighborhood.  Why do I need to know this?  That’s right, I don’t.

Also, it became some odd habit to check it all the time. Did someone post on my wall?  Did I get a picture comment? 

Really? I am 34, I realized no matter how many other people do this, it make me feel silly.

So, I decided to spend any time I was going to spend on Facebook, writing, or cultivating ideas about writing.  I may still surf my regular break sites like Jezebel.com, CNN.com, NPR.org, etc. but for the most part I have bid adieu to Facebook. 

Wish me luck, just don’t post it on my wall. 

I won’t see it.  😉

 

As Always,

Woman on Pause

You need to go to “Life” school. Updated with real life example!

*Update! – Seems my post was spot on.  2 points for reclining in an airline seat and making the person in front of you uncomfortable.  -2 for smacking them over it.  😉  See below article…

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TRAVEL/06/01/united.seat.recline.fight/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

I do a lot of driving. 

I travel 84 miles per day for work.  While I do find this time quiet and a way for me to gather myself before my day starts or before I get home to the kids, it is still one helluva drive.

I used to get on average one to two tickets per year.  I mean when you drive 22K miles per year, it is really just about the law of averages.  But lately, I have had no problem keeping my lead foot tucked neatly under my thigh and let cruise control take over the wheel and get me safely back home.

(Knock on Wood x 1,458,112) – Tickets suck.

Which brings me to my point.  If a person gets a ticket they get points on their license.  If you get too many points you need to A) Go to driving school and get them reduced or B) eventually lose your license.  Too many points in a year and poof, no license.  This is when you find people on the riding lawn mower trying to get a loaf of bread from the convenience store.

Who wants that?

I think though, that there should be a similar system for life.  If you break certain rules you get points on your LL, or your “Life License.”  Too many points and you lose your license and you die.

Just kidding, you get it revoked and are forced to go to “Life School.”

For example the following offences would be worth the corresponding points:

1 – Not holding the door for the person entering right behind you.      
2 – Not washing your hands after using the toilet. (Yes blue pumps on the first floor, I am looking at you.)
.5 – Stealing a pen or writing device.
4 – Cutting someone off in traffic.
.5 – Not changing the roll of toilet paper once it is empty
2 – Talking obnoxiously on your cell phone in an indoor public place.
2.5 – If using bluetooth to commit above offense
1.5 – Giving backwards compliments
.5 – Make-up line on the jaw
1 – Messing up someone’s order.  (This can be for any instance where a thing is ordered and it isn’t delivered as requested.)
3 – Driving without your lights on at night. (I get this falls back around the traffic points, but I saw this last night, and if the police didn’t get him, his LL should be dinged.)
1 – Serving fast food or frozen food to your family more than one night in a row.(Due to laziness not broke-ness)
1 – Walking over flowers.
.25 – Not saying please or thank you.
2 – Throwing someone under the bus for personal gain. (Not literally)
1 – Tattling or needlessly starting shit.  Wait, make that a 2.
1.5 – Muffin Top (Male or Female)
5 – Lying to get someone into bed.
 

You guys get the idea. If you hit 12 points in a year, you get your LL revoked.  This means going to go to a two day class that reminds you how to act like you are a decent human being.  AND that others are ALSO decent human beings and should be treated as such.

If you don’t attend this mandatory class to get your LL back, you will be forced to babysit Kate from John and Kate + 8 or Work at State Mandated Liquor Store, or something even less desirable until you get your license back.

Try and imagine a world where people were always decent to others.  What a world that would be…

Ah, but alas, I am afraid we are stuck with the rude, crude, and inconsiderate. 

Good thing there are so many of us awesome people out there to balance it all out.  I’m just sayin. 

As always,

Woman-On-Pause

 
Photo Credits:
http://gladysspeaks.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html
 
http://medicallicenseverification.com/2010/09/24/usa-doctors-medical-license-revoked/
 
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2009/05/JON20KATE20PLUS20EIGHT.jpg
 
 

Summer Reads & What-not’s

Where have I been?  Where have YOU been?

Just kidding. 

I have had a very busy couple of weeks.  My husband and I took a much-needed three-day escape to Savannah GA where we were able to glimpse into our lives away from our kids. 

It was glorious. 

While it goes without saying we love and adore our children, they eat up every free minute we have.  As they should, that’s kind of the point.  And 99 out of 100 times we really don’t mind having to drive here, watch this game, homework, meals, weekends, calls about questionable behavior, vomiting, colds, laundry, unruly hair, and the 1,228,004 things that comes along with having children.

We truly don’t.

But we are also firm believers that it is essential to nourish your marriage.  We have been down the aisle before and are trying out best to learn from our past mistakes and be kind to our marriage. 

And so we took our first three-day weekend alone.  The only one we have ever taken in almost two years. 

I think we were due.

On top of that, and normal life, I did manage to begin and finish two books.  Of which I highly recommend. 

 

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

*Note:  When I began reading “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen I had no clue there was going to be a movie.  And much to my chagrin that it was going to star Robert Pattinson.  Who I am sure is a doll, but frankly his over exposure made me less than pleased with the casting.  I have a firm rule, I rarely break; if I read it I won’t watch it and vice versa.

I have only broken this rule a very few times.  The Shining was one and then there was the notebook.  The more I read I find this rule harder to follow, but I still try very hard to stick to my guns on this one.  The characters in my head when reading are always completely different from the actors picked.  (Exception – The Shining.  No one could have played that better.  Go Team Jack)

So, that being said, for my work book club we were assigned “Water for Elephants” and I truly enjoyed it.  And I recommend it to someone looking for a nice summer read.  I am extra pleased to have read it because honestly I would have never chosen it on my own.  So it was a pleasant surprise how much I liked something that seemed outside of my tight little snobby reading genre.

The next book I read was “Freedom” by Jonathan Franzen.

"Freedom" By Jonathan Franzen

Note: I listen to books.  Via Audible.com.  I also highly recommend this especially for fellow commuters.  If it weren’t for audible I wouldn’t ever get to read/listen/experience books at all.

I had previously read, “The Corrections” by Franzen and while at first I felt I had to look up every other word out of the readers mouth, I ended up becoming very invested in the characters and at the end of the day truly enjoyed the book.  It was a very intellectual but honest slice of life story.

Same thing for “Freedom.” I am in awe of how he is able to take every day nuances and bring them out without making the story about them.  He uses detailed descriptions to develop characters in a way that blew me away.  I hope to see more from Franzen.

So, this concludes my, “Where have you been?” and what I recommend for Summer Reading post.

I am hoping to be able to give you all a little piece of something I have written soon.  Now that things have slowed down somewhat I am chomping at the bit to get back to writing.

Feel free to recommend some good books here as well!

PS –

Ever time you see the word, recommend in this post, it was misspelled.  Oh the shame…

PPS –

And it should also be noted I misspelled, Misspelled.  What in the hell, I have no business writing.  Jeez.
As always,
Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43641.Water_for_Elephants

http://www.kadisera.com/2011/2010-best-books-jonathan-franzens-freedom.html/jonathan-franzen-freedom

Two more and there would have been a scandal.

I had 67 views last Thursday!  I am not completely sure why.  Nor do I really care.  YAY!  Granted it was mostly for my “I am in a glass case of emotion” post, but once again, I am not a choosy girl. 

In spirit of said uppance in viewage.  Yes, I typed that and meant it. 

I am releasing the first photo of me.  It should be up as this post is set and ready to roll. 

Still working on Big Mama part II.

Until then, I can’t help but say that I am completely moved by the tragedy in Japan and my family and I, while we are not big church going folk, have been praying for the safety of the people of the effected areas.  I don’t think that what has been going on lately, tsunami’s, earthquakes, millions of dead sardines, are a glimpse into the apocalypse. Some say these are signs of the end of the world.

I have my doubts.  But then again, I don’t study the Bible or the Mayan Calendar so what do I know.  I think it is a sign that mother nature is a mean bitch and unfortunately these things happen.  As horrible as it all is.  Japan, not the sardines. 

I truly hope they can make a quick recovery with as little damage and death as possible.  I couldn’t imagine being in their place, and I truly feel horrible for what they are going through.

So, all of that being said, if my new picture isn’t up, here it is.  Yes, I know, you all knew it was me allllllllll along.  😉

Ta-Da!

I promise to post again soon.  The bottom line of this post is to say,

“Thank you for reading.”

As always,

Woman on Pause aka the “Storm Trooper Crumb eater in your keyboard.”

Photo credit: http://wallpapergravity.com/Image.php?ID=278933