Miserable Ridiculous Idiocy. That was the best I could come up with. I am hoping as I start this that it won’t run too long. But it is hard to summarize this many fails in a short post.
Reason for MRI. My doctor didn’t like a mass of skin on the front of my hip, near my incision scars and wanted me to do a MRI with contrast to find out what the hell it is. (I assume scar tissue or fluid, but clearly he is hoping for the gold star on the board for Dr with most MRI’s in January.)
I go in and spend a small fortune on this as it is the beginning of the year and no deductibles had been met that day. Fine. Whatever.
They told me to be in Radiology at 9am for the contrast to be injected (with a bastard needle) into my hip joint then they would take me for my MRI at 10:15am. Kewl. I have had this same type of MRI no less than 5 times already. Piece of cake.
I am on time and in the waiting area.
Then two hours go by.
Me – Um hai. This seems an odd amount of time to wait.
Them – We apologize for your delay. To compensate, let’s bring you into this small room so you can get naked and wear our 2013 Oscar De Larenta “Showing all your Business” gowns.
Fine. So I change and I wait.
In a broom closet.
At this point I am still naively optimistic. But bored, so I am taking pictures of all of the things.
They finally bring me in the room outside of the broom closet. And I wait. With all of my stuff in a bag.
A nurse wheels in sitting on a chair and informs me that MRI is backed up and it will be another 30 minutes. She apologizes and says, “They had a difficult patient.” I said, “I am about to become a difficult patient.”
Hunger and agitation have set in.
I have been here since 8:30am it is noon and I am starving and getting annoyed. But still trying to make the best of a bad situation.
I dig in my purse and find a dum dum lolipop. Glory be. Maybe I will make it through. And I found some gum. Mom Perk #5,499 candy at the bottom of your purse.
Finally it is time!! They lay me on this–
–So they can inject the contrast into my hip joint they have to do it under X-Ray. I lay down and they inject my hip with lidocaine as not to have me screaming in pain while she tries to cross stitch her initials into my hip joint.
It doesn’t go well. The PA is telling me that the joint is so tight the needle keeps popping out. So she has to keep putting it back in, and now I am in some fairly serious pain. I would rate it a 6 then slowly progressed to a 7 and it is taking a lot longer than the other ones ever did. She is apologizing, I am quietly crying, this isn’t going well.
She finally says it is done. And apologizes again.
They assist me onto a wheelchair because I can’t put weight on the joint because it will mess up the contrast.
Then they take my blood pressure.
She pleasantly informs me that if it doesn’t go down not only are they NOT going to do the MRI, but she will strongly suggest I get wheeled over to ER.
So naturally my BP being so high I am now faced with all of this being in vain, I feel my BP rise more. I breathe, I think happy thoughts about food (as I am still starving) sunny days and unicorns. Anything to try and bring it down.
They try again 154/102.
YAY me and the power of mind control.
Next is where it really went wrong.
Tomorrow. Part II. Promise.
Woman on Pause
Photo Credits: WomanonPauseFineFotosAndWines.com