Driving Mrs. Crazy – Part II

In Driving Mrs. Crazy Part I I discussed how a traumatic car accident could leave someone feeling a wee bit shaky in the driving department.

And that is an understatement.  I was scared to DEATH to drive after that.  But my mom being the good parent she is, shoved me out of the nest and told me to get back onto that horse.  Er Bronco.  You get the point.

Problem was, I was making stupid dangerous mistakes out of sheer fear.

Then in 1996 I borrowed my mothers car again, ironically to look for a car for myself.  Short story long, I took along my useless boyfriend and we were driving down I-95. This was 3 years after the original incident.  We had stopped by Hardees or Carl’s Jr. for you West coast folk.  When we did they didn’t give us straws for our drinks.  We are tooling along and we pass several vehicles, when I decide I want a sip of my tasty beverage.

 photo tumblr_m5sc7uv8uP1rvn6njo1_500_zpsff5a3f9f.gif


But I had to grab the cup and take off the lid due to the lack of strawness in my life at that moment.

When I did, I started to veer to the left without realizing it.  When I looked up and realized I was veering in the left lane of a three lane highway I got scared (What a shocker) and jerked the wheel.


At that point we turned sideways.  Down I-95.

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Then I jerked the wheel again, and we whipped back towards the THANK GOD large median.  He is screaming at me as we ass-end enter the median and begin doing doughnuts in said median.  I start to freak the hell out because within what seemed a nano second we are backing INTO on coming traffic on the other side.

Finally my good sense kicked in, and I grabbed the emergency break.

No damage done, but I do believe this is when it all got weird(er) for me regarding driving.

Fast forward to 1998.  While I was stopped due to construction on my way to work, I was rear-ended.  The dude straight up didn’t realize everyone had stopped and BAM.  No worries, it all turned out fine.  I did find out though that the Geo Storms front bumper contained Styrofoam.  The more you know.

But then… in 2005.

I was lost in the great metropolis that is Jacksonville, FL.  I had been out celebrating the anniversary of a couple I knew.  I got tired and since my son was with my mother I decided to go home 40 miles away and just relax.  Because I was recently divorced and a single mother and dammit alone time was awesome.


Even a few hours is like a vacation.

But then I got lost.  Because I have NO sense of direction.  I can get lost in a brown paper bag.  GPS, has literally saved my life before.  (Another post all together).  So I call my mother, and she guides me out because she is awesome.  I am at a light at 2:30am in a seeeeeeeeeedy part of town waiting to make a left to get onto I-95 there are two cars in front of me. The light changes, but the person in the first position to turn hasn’t realized it.

Then I see it.

The truck coming up behind me full speed, sees the green light, but doesn’t realize we haven’t started to move.

As I am on the cell phone with my mother, I drop it from my chin, hold on to the steering wheel and BAM.  I was rear ended while stopped, by a gentleman going 35 mph.  I hit the car in front of me.

The car in front of me I can only assume decided that a DUI/Drug charge wasn’t worth waiting around to get my insurance info to repair their car and hauled ass immediately.

I get out of the car, (and I have done this before) start to scream at the seemingly nice enough guy.  WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR GDFILTHFLARNFILTH PROBLEM?!?!?!  DIDN’T YOU EVEN LOOK UP!?!?!  I say some other choice words.  For some reason fear brings out some ghetto chick in me I never knew existed.


Then it hits me.  I was on the phone with my mom when I got hit.  I am pretty sure I screamed like a banshee when I got hit.  Shit, I have to call her back.  She thinks I am dead (Again.) I go through the hot mess my car is with everything strewn about in the front floor boards from the impact and I can’t find my phone.  I then realized I had to ask the nice gentleman who just I just cursed out to borrow his phone.

“Hey, um, excuse me.  I apologize for my crass words and rude behavior before, but you scared the fuck out of me.  Could I bother you to possibly use your cell??”  He did.  Thank God.  I hung out in a seedy neighborhood for the next two hours.  I came out of it with a bad back, but generally unscathed.  I did some PT and my back was good as new.  Schweeeeeet….

But then there was 2007 and 2009.


2007 – I am in traffic again but rural traffic.  Nothing crazy.  I am taking my son to day care and he is talking to his father on my cell phone.  He says his goodbyes, then drops the phone.  He says, “Oh I dropped the phone, I will unbuckle and get it.”

Me, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Don’t EVER unbuckle.  It can just hang out there on the floorboard, I am not worried.”

So we come to a stop.  The light is green, and there are five cars in front of me, so I place my left foot firmly on the brake, and twist back and start patting around the back floor board looking for my phone.

Then guess what?


Mother fucker, I got rear-ended again.

I jerk up, my son’s eyes are the size of saucers he is reaching for me, thank GOD still firmly strapped into his booster seat, and then


We hit the car infront of us.


This time I didn’t curse, I didn’t yell.  I plastered what must have been some sort of clown smile on my face so my son wouldn’t be scared.

I think it looked something like this.

ImageHe was fine, I wasn’t.

I had a very icky tear in my left hip from planting that left foot on the brake when twisted trying to find that phone.

Then 2009.

A woman rear ends me again.  I swear I can’t make this shit up.  I pull aside, nothing major.

She doesn’t.  I wave, for her to pull over.  No movement.  Then finally she pulls behind me, gets out and states, “Oh there is no damage, IgotToGoRightNow.”

No, you don’t, I have to get your info.

And for the sake of time and I realize this is running long here’s what happened in bullet form.

  • She refuses to give me her info.
  • She tries to FLEE.
  • I try and take picture of her as she tries to flee.
  • She tries to run my ass over.  Literally.
  • I jump out of the way of her Jeep Cherokee
  • She flees anyway.
  • She has warrants.
  • She now has a warrant for attempted vehicular manslaughter.
  • She is now UNDER the jail.

So.  Moral of the story is, I have a bad history with wrecks and driving.

Luckily, (KNOCK ON WOOD) I have passed the two year curse.  2005, 2007, 2009 were the same rear end accidents.  Luckily nothing so far after 2009.

But it left a residue. A sticky film on my brain. And as much as I hate to do it, I will explain that in part III.

Thanks for hanging in there.

As Always,

Woman on Pause

Photo Credits:

3 thoughts on “Driving Mrs. Crazy – Part II

  1. Pingback: Driving Mrs. Crazy – The Finale | Woman on Pause

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