Creeping…

Doubts. 

I have creeping doubts about my writing.  (NO, this is in no way a ploy to get compliments.  Not linking, etc.  Just getting the doubt demons out of my head.)  I have doubts because first off, that is how I am built.  I may just be having an off day.  I get like this when I am determined to finish.  My doubts step right in my way, hold up a stop sign and wave a finger in a very slow “No” gesture. 

Image

So to battle this…

I have decided to attempt NaNoWriMo to try something different.  A lot of people think it is a junky way to write, but I find it an interesting challenge.  And I am hoping it will give me a good nudge to just write, write, write.  Not go back, not edit, not second guess, not beat my story to death before I even finish.  (Day one 800 words.  Not to goal, but a start)

I have had this opportunity to leave my job and pursue my dreams, goals, etc.  I feel like I haven’t lived up to that opportunity.  I am also trying Realllllllly hard to break through the barrier of doubt and keep trucking. 

Do I think I will write professionally? 

No.

But I enjoy it, and if I can get stuff out there and maybe get good at it, in a few years who knows.

Professionally I am a bit lost, but I am also at a standstill.  I can’t go back to school until after my surgery in January.  So technically this is “free time” until then.  I feel like if I waste this time I will always regret it.  I will not always be a stay at home mom, more than likely before 2014 is over I will again be gainfully employed.  This was a chance for me to hang with my kids, decompress after 17 years of desk/admin/finance/acctg. work. 

And frankly, just typing what I did, helped tremendously.  Hence why I have this blog.  No one may even read it, but this is the first step to flipping off those annoying doubts that seem to always step into my path.

Thanks for the ear er, the eyes, you know what I mean,

 

Woman on pause

Picture Credits
healingbythefoot.com

 

8 thoughts on “Creeping…

  1. I think you’re absolutely right to go for it. Nothing else suffices if it torments you to do it. I know I have struggled and doubted over the years, wondering whether I was kidding myself. Each time I’ve had the time to do more I haven’t taken it for one reason or another.
    Arriving at WordPress has changed all that. Now I can’t stop.
    I had thought of the NaNoWriMo challenge and have not signed up for it. I think mainly because it is poetry that is doing it for me just now.
    You’ve started and that’s the beginning of the journey, one step at a time. Good luck with it. x

  2. Thanks so much. I am thankful that I at least KNOW this bad part of myself. I have called it out and am forcing myself to face it. Good, bad, or ugly.

    Part of me coming back to my blog after a few years was the same concept. WRITE WRITE WRITE.

    The doubt fairy also leaves this, “You aren’t smart enough to write. You don’t know the structure well enough, and you leave participles dangling everywhere.”

    I am fighting this one the hardest. It makes sense…

    • Thank you. I have had a really crappy set back, and I am re thinking the entire thing. It has been a shitty day. Tomorrow though, is another day. I hope to wake up to a rosier set of circumstances.

      Welcome btw!

  3. I did NaNo last year. It was a challenge and I made it work. I don’t know if you have outside help. I belong to a writer’s forum and they are great at helping novice and experienced writers become better at their craft. My Writers Circle or http://mywriterscircle.com/ if you want to peek first and see what’s going on, you don’t have to be a member to read most of the boards. You do have to sign up to post. It’s free.

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