Quid Pro NOPE

My sons are respectively almost 12 and almost 9.

We have dealt with a lot of things, mostly normal things with the boys.  Custody issues with ex’s, bad conduct, anger management, girl talk, you  name it, we have come across it and I know I felt all of it coming and it seemed totally natural.

Then yesterday happened.

Short story long, my almost 12 year old came home and immediately wanted to go outside with his friends.  But Mom doth protest.  You have a room to clean, homework to do.  He was so antsy with everything.  Rushing through all of it, and in turn jacking it all up.

I am hands on hips, wagging the finger, you have to do your work first.  You promised to do your room two days ago.  You have to master Mixed fraction division, even if your Math teacher Doesn’t check your homework.

Normal mom crap.

We keep moving along our afternoon getting ready to go to my almost 9 year old’s foot ball practice. I am trying to pre-make dinner, my husband is working on his truck, my youngest is reading, some kid comes to the door asking for my 12 year old.  I tell him he will probably be out in about a half hour.

Then, instead of go outside and play he decides he wants to come with me to football practice.


Then as we are walking to the field, and my  youngest has ran to his team my oldest starts to cry.  Spilling that he was late from the bus because this kid wants to fight him.  He said that he defended a friend on the bus and the guy was all, well your mom is fat and ugly and “Has sex with girls.”  He is sobbing because he doesn’t want me or my husband, his stepdad, to freak out because he knows we don’t roll with disrespect.

I let him know it is quite different when our KIDS disrespect us, I am not worried about some punk ass 13 year old, and let him know I could care less what he says about me, and that the kid is clearly trying to get under his skin.

Then he cries and says because he didn’t show up for the fight, everyone is going to call him a chicken.  Oh and he cries and says you can’t snitch on me.  If the kids find out I am a snitch it gets 100 times worse.

Oh, and the kid at the door, is the one who wants to kick my kids ass.

Never seen him, assumed he was a friend from the neighborhood.

This kid has balls.

Came to the house. (Insert Indignation here)

“Excuse me maam, Lovely day we are having.  Could I bother you to have your son come out here so I can partake in fisticuffs with him today? Thanks so much, and enjoy your evening.”

Well great.  Then the moms at the ballpark who live in the neighborhood tell me this kid has hit broken limbs of other kids, rubbed gum in their hair, fights constantly, and spits random items onto girls. And his parents make excuses when confronted and aren’t concerned with what he is doing the three hours every day he is kicked out of his house to roam our neighborhood looking for his next victim.

So.  I can’t call the school, because if I do then I have proven the snitch theory.  I can’t protect him because he is in middle school, and that to him would be more devastating than if he got into the actual fight.  I offer to take him to school the next day.

“No.”  I have to do this.

So.  Here I am.  I know what happens next.  But I also know I probably didn’t do the most popular thing.

What would YOU do?

By the way, the entire time all this is happening I am freaking out internally.


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As Always,

Woman on Pause

Gif Credits:

14 thoughts on “Quid Pro NOPE

  1. Bullying is NEVER okay – I know your son might hate you now, but talking to the school (at least here, our schools all have anti-bullying policies, zero tolerance) is the right thing to do. Most likely this kid (bully) has a dad who is exactly the same way. I do not envy you and your husband in this.

    • Ahhhh……. But the school can’t do anything since it happened off school property and not on the bus.

      NEXT! Lol not making fun, I thought I would reveal in comments how this went down, and how I tried TRIED to do the right thing, to find out there is no right thing.

      Just us doing our best….

      • Ohhhhh I was freaking the hell out. I can’t lie. I mean FREAKING out. I was all cool, “You have a good heart sticking up for your friend.” Etc. Etc.

        But internally all the gif’s below. In a loop.

      • No. It isn’t. And I fear this is just a drop in the bucket. We live in a small town and I grew up here and if I am a guide, this is NOTHING.

        Frankly, I was proud he even TOLD me.

        And I mentioned that about 1,557 times. Told him there will be a lot of things he is uncomfortable telling me, but at the end of the day, I am always on his side and he can confide in me. I said, While I am your mom, and I will protect you first, I will always consider your opinion and feelings as well.

  2. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. First, kudos for your kid for sticking up for another kid; that took guts in the first place. That bully… I have no words for him or his parents; at least not words I feel like blasting here right now. Good luck with whatever happens next. Though I am leaning toward the side of talking to the school anyhow, or perhaps even the cops since there are already multiple victims of his behavior.

    • I have considered seeing if I can report him and his family to the home owner association. I know that sounds weird, but after I anonymously report the kid to the school, that may be next.

      Luckily, their house is “For Sale” and I hear they are moving soon. He is on the complete other side of our development.

      My 12 year old’s dad seems to think the kid wouldn’t have the balls to come to the house, and maybe he was trying to work it out, away from the show off he would have done around a group.

      Who knows…

  3. I don’t have kids so am not sure if this is an appropriate suggestion, but how about reporting the kid/parents to Child Protective Services? Now THAT would be a lesson they’d never forget. If not that, then the police. If this kid really has assaulted and hurt other kids, I would go Full Court Press.

    • If it evolves past what happened and the resolution, I am going full on. Even a little. My youngster doesn’t know that, and that is for the best.

      Temporary (Hopefully permanent) resolution will be posted below.

  4. I agree with Dr. Alice. I don’t have kids yet either, but that child’s behavior is bold, brash, and completely unacceptable. On the other hand, the system in place for CPS and foster care and the like is not very good. Products of that system don’t always change or choose a different lifestyle. Here’s some encouraging stuff on the topic of bullying — I was thinking about it today too.. http://wp.me/22KTz

    • And being a small town, my kid doesn’t want to be known as the kid of the mom who called DCF or CPS because at the end of the day, he was threatened with a fight, but no violence occurred.

      I will not direct all my reaction based on how he “Feels” but I will definitely take it into consideration.

      Again, if it goes past what has already happened, there will be no limit to the amount of shit I will cause them and theirs.

  5. Ok, here is what I did.


    Except sit here and worry (And call the school, but they said not on property or on the bus not really their domain and I respect that).

    But let me tell you why.

    I had to let go. I had to allow my son to defend himself if necessary. We told him if he felt threatened to defend himself. Period. Don’t start it, don’t brag, don’t boast, don’t talk shit. But if he comes at you, drop your backpack and go.

    This was so extraordinarily hard.

    I also know another bigger kid this kid messed with and they got into it. The other kid stood up to the kid, and he doesn’t pick on him anymore.

    This is what I want for my son. Don’t be the instigator, but if faced with something like this, defend yourself. Life will throw you these. Know what to do. I can’t be there 24/7.

    Result: Next day at the bus (While my ex husband cased the bus stop UN-noticed) The kid never said a word to my son. Didn’t confront him, didn’t do anything.

    So, so far, so good.

    It goes past that I am going into full on CRAZY Mom mode. I allowed him to handle it, but at that point I will handle it. With force and unrelenting fierceness they didn’t even know existed.

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