Hurt.

My son has been with his dad, aka his grandparents, because his dad still lives at home for the last week.  He went to church camp.  The same church his grandmother works for.

His dad called me today to inform me that my son has been saved and Baptized.  Without his or my knowledge.

He is fine with it and proud that he made the choice.

He is 11.

Baptism is a big deal in the Christian faith.  It is defined as:

Water Baptism is an act of obedience for the believer. It should be preceded by repentance, which simply means “change.” It is turning from our sin and selfishness to serve the Lord. It means placing our pride, our past and all of our possessions before the Lord. It is giving the control of our lives over to Him. http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/f/whatisbaptism.htm

I am not here to discuss religion.  Truly.

I am writing this because I am so heartbroken that the church didn’t consult with me or him.  This is a big deal.  It is a HUGE deal.  And at 11 they allowed him to do it without my permission or counsel. And I feel my rights as a parent have been trampled on.

And really, I am heartbroken I missed it.

I love the fact that my son is entering into religion but to bypass our right to talk to him or to be there is just killing me.

I believe the grandmother knew.  She claimed she didn’t and told him not to, but he did it anyway.  I don’t buy it.  He had to bring swim trunks (Full submersion baptism).  And I am pretty sure they  needed consent.  Which she claims she didn’t give.  She said “I didn’t even turn in his card.” Maybe she didn’t.  It really doesn’t matter now.

But this is the family that threw us a wedding reception and didn’t invite my family.  Not even my mom.

This is the woman who saw me and my mom at my sons baseball game last week and spoke to me, but didn’t even acknowledge my mom.

I am salty as hell, and at this point have a call into the church.

I am all for kids finding their way to God or what religion they find themselves.  I am all about spiritual paths.  I wouldn’t stop him from being saved or Baptized but I would sit down and ask him why he wanted to, and explain what it meant.

And I would have loved to have seen it.

But I was denied that.

Angry,

 

Woman on Pause

11 thoughts on “Hurt.

    • Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. The Youth minister hasn’t called me back yet. I was very nice on the vm. If he doesn’t call me today I will talk to him when I pick him up tonight.

      I still think the Grandmother authorized it. And if she did, and told me she didn’t, there are serious parental right issues that have been violated. We are divorced and any major decisions have to be made jointly.

      I am not sure how it works when a Grandparent takes it upon their own to do it without either permission.

      Maybe the church thought it was ok, and she is innocent.

      We shall see.

  1. We have our children baptised as infants, the faith of the parent acting in loco for the child until they can be confirmed. It is a big occasion, a special time with preparation and celebration. I cannot imagine, except in extremis, anyone else having the right to proceed without parental authority.
    Confirmation in their faith usually takes place around the same age as your son, if they wish to confirm that faith. But, even should they wish to proceed, there are still months of preparation and discussion in school, at church, at home.
    Like you, I would be extremely vexed if my role or my husband’s was removed from such a momentous decision. There are matters to be discussed that require the knowledge and love of a supportive parent.
    You have been present for everything in your child’s life and should not have been omitted from something so huge.
    I hope someone can and does explain to you how this came to pass. It is an infringement on your rights as a parent, whether by church or by grandmother.
    But the deed is done now. Perhaps, you could have a talk with your son and some form of celebration to mark the occasion.
    Forgive me if I have been too long-winded here but I do share your concerns and your righteous hurt. Let us know how you get on. ((HUGS))x

  2. That is exactly how I feel. That I wasn’t able to celebrate this with him. Do we go to church, no. That is a personal choice. And if I were to go to church it wouldn’t be that one. I felt that way before. The Grandmother is just too much to take.

    After some thought, I have decided she did know. And I have a feeling she was the one who authorized it. I think she didn’t realize I would be this upset and backpedaled when confronted.

    I have to wait for the anger to pass. Right now, I am still so angry. I haven’t been this angry for this long in a while. More due to the sheer disregard she showed for me as a parent. She always does this. Unfortunately she is around him so much she takes on “Mom” role. Well you aren’t. And this will forever change her and I’s relationship. Permanently.

    Regarding my sons choices I will support him. But I want to have a conversation with him about what led him to this decision and how he feels this effects his life.

    I get him in an hour and a half and I am trying so hard to squelsh the anger, I don’t know if I could hide it well right now. But I will find a way…

  3. I am so, so sorry. You should have been there. This is a huge event, and to leave a child’s mother out of it is simply not what Jesus would do. Period. You are right to be angry and hurt.

    • Thanks that is the way I feel about it. He told me, I can just do it again later. Um, no son, I mean you can, but the first time is it. I don’t think he quite gets it. But again, he is 11….

  4. Update. Seems it went down as she said it did. Confirmed it with him. It seems they just brought out the pool and asked who wanted to go in. So now I am less angry but directing my concern onto the church. I even apologized to the Grandmother. But told her I am very uncomfortable with how loosely this was done and without including me or his dad.

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