SAH Log Day 28
(Stay at Home)
I have been in a funk. For a few reasons. None more prevalent than the fact I am in pain. If you are new to this revelation, let me give you a summary.
- Car Wreck 2007 – Wrecked my Hip
- Exploratory surgery 2009, removed mass, put in anchor, 2 tears in this area.
- Another surgery 2011 when the first one didn’t make a damned bit of difference.
- Current – 8 cm of my squish shock bearing labrum is gone. Bone on bone.
- Have to get another surgery to inject cartilage. When ever I have a chance to get a home nurse because no one else can help with eight weeks no weight bearing. – yeah because that shit is going to happen, at the end of NEVER.
- If the above doesn’t work, hip replacement.
I take nothing but motrin for this. Nothing else. I was on pain medication prior to my last surgery. Decided I couldn’t keep taking it, because what is the point. So been 2 years since any pain medication intervention. So I hurt a lot. And I limp.
Funk Reason #2 I have had a bit of a hard time assimilating to this new role I have.
While I should be just all giddy and thrilled I am not working and spending time with the boys, I wasn’t aware that I was going to become a Kid Bitch.
It isn’t pretty, but it is true. But not their fault. Mine.
I had these awesome, pinterest pinned ideas about how we would spend this summer. As an unknown, I just assumed.
You know what happens when you assume.
I have been a kid runner. I had so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to accomplish, and I feel I have done none of these, nor lived up to my vision or what I assume others vision of what I would be doing.
Football, Baseball, Basketball camp, sleepovers, Nana’s, beach, pool, kids wanting to visit friends, mandatory family outings, grocery store, laundry, Three meals a day, house cleaning, running, running, running.
Something, lots of things. Every.damned.day. I know none of this sounds bad, but this is ALL I HAVE DONE.
I finally took an hour to get a pedicure last Thursday. In the first 10 minutes I get a call.
“I need my bat bag. It is in your car.”
The rest doesn’t matter. I couldn’t even get 10 minutes. Not 10 minutes in 20 solid days.
Needless to say, it all started to get to me.
Then I spoke to my hubs. Who is not perfect, but by far my saving grace and biggest cheer leader. The one.
He reminded me *I* am important too.
I owe no one.
I can’t do it all.
I am a good mom.
I am a good wife.
I am CEO of this house and I need to run it to benefit me too.
He is only worried about my happiness.
And I felt better.
All of my other woes will be sorted out one way or the other. But I finally had a paradigm shift.
I Can’t Do It All.
And that is ok.
Sometimes life just isn’t perfect. But what is?
Woman on Pause.
PS. Sorry for the rant, but this was one of the exact reasons I started to blog again. A diary of sorts. A timeline of recovery and discovery.