Go Home Florida, you’re Drunk

Oh Florida.

My home state and Birthplace. I always feel Florida gets a bad rap (or is it wrap?  I dunno).  All the crime and insanity being reported seemed out of proportion maybe because I am from Florida so I just notice it more?  There must be the same amount of complete idiocy and general fuckery going on everywhere.


I am just not sure anymore.

I have stated before about my love affair with DailyMail.com.  It is a UK online publication but has a US page and frankly I am on there more than I am in my kitchen.

And I am in my kitchen a lot.  BTW, foods, all the foods, they are mine. 

So I got on my internet research hat,

Yes my sleuth hat is a visor.  This is Florida Dammit.  It is hot.

And began to look around.  Trying to figure out if there is another state, preferably on the Eastern Seaboard that has comparable crime/population/insanity.

I did NOT know that Florida is the 4th largest populated state, behind New York, California and Texas.  OK, well that is the first problem.  We are a decently sized state with way too many damned people.

After going through Wikipedia it seems that Florida isn’t the WORST per capita, but the South itself IS the worst in the country.  It seems that D.C. is the worst of the worst.  I have never been there and have no opinion on that.

I wanted to know what makes it seem like Florida is growing more crazy than oranges.

By the way, this is what started this search.  (Amongst the 1,558,278 articles I see FL mentioned)


So.  First off, their bucket list wish was to steal from a Walmart.  Ok, but was one dying??  Isn’t that what a Bucket list is?!?  And they were from Ocala.  This article, as stated above was from Dailymail.co/uk

A quote from this article, “The items? Beef jerky and a bathing suit.”

How does one wrap their head around this one?


I sat there for a while, and this was all I had…


Sigh.Really though, I read a lot of news, watch some.  And it always seems like the oddest, and frankly sometimes the sickest news comes out of Florida.  And the comments are always, “Oh they are from Florida, it all makes sense.”  I don’t know why that bothers me.  It is like someone talking bad about your brother.  You can talk shit all day long but anyone else, they are just an ass.

I love my state.  It is pretty friggin awesome if you give it a chance.  I mean we are a peninsula for the love of Oprah.  There are beaches everywhere.

And frankly everyone should avoid the Wal-mart anyway so if you just steer clear you should be fine.

So, no meat bathing suits, no Wal-mart, and just go to the damned beach.  I was there yesterday and it was awesome.  Sand in the crack of my everything and all.

Good times.

Oh and Florida, shape up.  Your crazy is starting to show.
As Always,

Woman on Pause

7 thoughts on “Go Home Florida, you’re Drunk

    • Thanks about the theme. I had a bit of a hard time with it, but now it is where I want it.

      Florida, well, it is an odd thing. Can be great. Can also be weird, hot, and full of not hot weirdos. Could go either way… 😉

  1. Is it a tropical thing? Here we call it going troppo. All the crazies here are in Queensland and Northern Territory and those states are hot, damn hot. Apparently that much heat and humidity (and I’d imagine the effect of alcohol in that much heat and humidity) kind of fry and boil the brain at the same time, making its owner go troppo, or in other terms, bat shit crazy!

  2. I am SO going to start using that. But maybe change it to going Floppo. Because I love new words.

    Seriously it gets stupid hot here. And I am in NORTH Florida. Just a hop skip and a jump from Georgia actually…

  3. Pingback: Why I should get off the damned computer. | Woman on Pause

  4. It’s finally (after 7 months of snow, wind, and rain) heated up in Manchester, England and we’re enjoying the heat the way us English folk do; sunburn! Hurrah!

    When I hear of “Florida” I think of oranges and people with great tans.

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