New Year, New Schmeer.

Oh the new year.  Here we are.  Just days away from a new 365 days to try and make our selves better people.  Another year to sum up and look back on with either distain or pleasure. 

While I reflect back on 2010 I have so many happy memories.  It was a good year. I married the love of my life this year.  How great is that??

But you know what, it was also a crappy year.  I still feel like shit.  This was supposed to be the year I transition from a person in pain to a person not in pain.

And it didn’t fucking happen. 

It was also the year our dog died.  While I have never understood people getting all crazy over the loss of a pet, I was pretty damned upset.  As I type this, this will be the evening we tell the kids.  And that just breaks my heart all over again.

They knew he was sick.  They saw it, so it won’t be a shock.  It isn’t like Rover was fine then he got hit by a car.  No, our dog was poisoned by the DelMonte company who has absolutely no issue putting Melamine in their Kibbles and Bits which for many dogs fucking kills them.

Did we know that?  No.

Is there anything we can do?  No.

All we could do was spare a five year old and an 8 year old of knowing their dog died 2 days before Christmas by telling them we took him to the vet. 

We have been lying ever since. Which I hate to do.

But who wants to say to kids, hey, write santa a list and don’t forget to say, thanks for letting my dog die RIGHT before Christmas.  We didn’t want them looking back on 2010’s Christmas and remember that was the year our beloved pet died.

They may still, but we did our best.  And honestly we are still in mourning ourselves. 

So, enjoying this upbeat blog yet? 

It is fucking party land in here isn’t it.

I guess it is just me not liking the pressure of ending one year and beginning another.  It is life, we don’t begin and end, it keeps going.  Whether we like it or not or whatever the hell the calendar says. 

We can reflect back and try and improve on certain things.  I am all for that.  But for it being a shiny new beginning.  No.  We are just ripping yet another page off of a calendar.  I try very hard to renew myself daily.  Look back on yesterday or the week before and say, how can I do this better?  I don’t wait on December 31st to improve myself. 

But that is just this woman.  

All that being said,  I do hope everyone has a great New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  Be safe.  Don’t drink and drive. Use it as an excuse to see friends and family and reconnect.  Hug your people and remember, no matter how long it seems, life is short and no one ever laid on their deathbed saying, “Wow, I wish I had not spent all that damned time with my loved one’s.

See you all in 2011.  Where I will do my best to bring you much more uplifting posts than the one you see here. 


 RIP Copper.  Aka Copper Doodle.  Aka C-Dog. 

(Halloween 2010)

As always,

Woman on Pause

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